[200q20v] Bernie's rules

[Chaplen, John]

If the speakers go up in flames, then you have heat, it saves the heater
core.

Then use a walkman with headphone, then you cannot hear all the other
problems.

(heck, who needs a windshield, take out all the windows, saves weight and
allows air to move through the car with more efficiently)

If the power steering pump goes, don't fix it, now you have Audi Flex
(instead of Bowflex) build up those arms for all the other work need on you
car.

Driving lights are just as good as headlights, right? but cheaper...

Don't bother with tie rods, just follow the grooves in the pavement.

Remember, old 5000's parts can fit anything and they're cheap too.


And last of all, Bernie has the stock market cornered on Duct tape....




-----Original Message-----
From: Chris Covington [mailto:malth at umich.edu]
Sent: Monday, July 16, 2001 7:09 AM
To: Cordeiro, Alan
Cc: '200q20v at audifans.com'; audi20v at rennlist.org
Subject: [200q20v] Bernie's rules


1) Don't change the oil, only top it off.  Top it off with free oil
obtained from junkyard cars / from landfills.

2) Don't replace the tires until they blowout, then change only the
one that blows out.

3) Don't change the wiper blades until they scratch the windshield.  Then
get rainx which is cheaper than wiper blades.

4) If you have a boost leak, etc. don't do anything because the car still
runs.

5) Don't change the spark plugs until all 5 foul, and the car doesn't run
at all.   With 4 cylinders we still have 1.8Ts.  You can still get by with 2
or 3 cylinders too.  Use old lawnmower plugs in the garage.

6) If your radiator fan doesn't work, just don't drive in traffic, or shut
the car off until you have plenty of space in front of you.

7) If you're in Seattle, and you have a radiator leak, just carve a
huge hole in the hood and put a spout on it to direct rain into the
cooling system.

8) If your synchros go, just double-clutch.

9) If your clutch goes, just clutchless shift and pop start.

10) Bodywork?  Only if the car doesn't drive.

11) Don't wash your car unless you can't see out the windows/windshield.

12) Don't wax anything.  When the bodypart rusts off, then replace with
non-painted one or miscolored used one.

13) Don't clean/condition the leather seats until they crack, then just
sew the cracks shut.

14) If you need a rear brake job, just disconnect the rear brakes
(fronts do 80%) and leave the car in gear instead of using the parking
brake.

15) Never replace shocks, bushings, etc. unless they snap.  You'll have a
more luxurious ride anyway.

16) If your blower motor goes, open window.

Can anyone think of more?

Chris
'91 200q20v

On Sun, 15 Jul 2001, Cordeiro, Alan wrote:

> Bernie,
>
> I wish I had replaced my clutch master cylinder before it went south
> last Friday. I made it home by continuing to drive the rest of the way in
> second gear. I was fortunate had a straight road, and did not have any
> signals between me and home. The hydraulic part is OK, the threaded
> rod between the piston and the clevis pin snapped right where
> the lock nut sets it on the clevis pin.
>
> So much for prolonging the life of the hydraulic system by replacing
> the fluid every 4-5 years. The stupid things fail mechanically....
> I have a master cylinder on order, hopefully on its way..
>
> Has this type of failure happened to anyone else??
>
> Alan Cordeiro
> '91 200q 153k miles, temporarily not drivable..
> New struts, control arm bushings subframe bushings, all in a box
> in the basement, hoping for that "new car feel"
>
>
> >I would suggest that an alternative plan might well be to jack up the
horn
> >and drive a new 200 under it.  Don't fix it if it ain't broke!
>
> >Bernie

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