OT: The Thoughtless Man's Guide to Valentine's Day

[quattro toronto]

For when you care enough to get something on the way home from work

Emergency gift #1:
The Schoolboy Crush
Instructions: Buy a box of kids' valentines and a disposable Polaroid 
camera. Write sexy, cute messages on the valentines, then take goofy 
pictures of yourself and stick them in the envelopes. Hide them where she'll 
stumble over them -- behind her toothbrush, on top of the dog. Sell the 
whole thing with a You-still-make-me-feel-like-a-schoolkid demeanor.

Emergency gift #2:
Instant Picnic
Instructions: Head for the grocery store and buy a baguette, cheese, wine, 
fresh fruit, and ice cream. Go home and spread out a blanket on the 
living-room floor. Light candles and play music. Talk in a silly French 
accent.


Emergency gift #3:
Bath in a Bag
Instructions: Stop at the drugstore on your way home from work. Buy a 
decorative gift bag and stuff it with as many bath products as you can find 
(bubble bath, sponge, shampoo, lotion). Attach a note that says, "Tonight, 
your body is in my hands." Flash your eyebrows; wink and head for the bath. 
(She'll faint with pleasure if you've actually cleaned the bath, too.)

Emergency gift #4:
Movie Night
Instructions: Go to the video store and rent the first movie you ever 
watched together in the theater. She'll be so touched you remember that she 
won't even notice that this gift cost you $2.99. Make popcorn, drink wine, 
and see if that old stretch-your-arm-around-her-shoulder trick still works.

Emergency gift #5:
The Magical Mystery Tour
Instructions: Pick her up after work, but don't tell her where you're going. 
Then take her on a tour of places that are special to the two of you -- the 
bar where you had your first date, the park where you dropped the L-bomb, 
the parking lot where you dropped your virginity. At each spot, reminisce 
about your relationship. Memories are almost as good for her as ESPN 
Classics are for you.










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