Words fail me

[Phil Payne]

I had a phone call a while ago from Jim Pearson in Darlington - owner
of an Audi 200 (1988, 1B engine - MC with smog removed) that wouldn't
start.

I went up to see him.  Easy to see why - cam was 13 teeth off.  Pulled
the hydraulic pump and cam cover - oil everywhere.

Instant diagnosis - crank oil seal failure leading to oil everywhere
and the belt slipping.

So I went up today to do a belt, pump, idler and crank seal change.
The problems started when I got the 2084 on the damper and hooked up
the torque wrench.  Didn't have to touch it - the weight of the wrench
was enough to move the bolt.

It's a "Jim Haseltine" engine - sheared crank Woodruff key with the
fragments destroying the crank seal.  Obviously some twat had changed
the belt and not tightened the bolt properly.  There's also no trace
of AMV 108 001 02 or any equivalent - some tatty old Loktite or
something.

Then I found the water pump.  A thick band of orange goo squeezed out
all around it.  I took it off and found the sealing ring dangling
inside the waterway - "Liquid Gasket" or some such had been smeared
all around the inside and the sealing ring pushed into it - you've
never seen such a bodge.

Bent valves, of course.  The engine is pretty well destroyed and the
owner fairly distraught.  I've started stripping it to rescue what I
can, but there are other areas of woe - no nut on #1 upper exhaust
stud, and no #1 lower stud at all.  #8 inlet manifold screw is turned
out, all the injector shrouds are missing, the wastegate centre
chamber hose is split and the air shroud supply hose is unattached at
the head end.  None of the injector seals do.  And that's just what
I've found so far.

So I started commenting on "monkey boys" and people bodging to rip
other people off.  I hope he will forgive me - for a while Mr Adam
Marsden was wrongly accused on the basis of his numberplate blanks on
the vehicle and a vaguely remembered invoice for "a cam belt".

Sorry, Adam.  We found the invoice and it was only for 'Supply of a
cam belt', not fitting.

And the name on the invoice - the twat who did this to a perfectly
good engine?  Mr D. Preece.

--
  Phil Payne
  http://www.isham-research.com/quattro
  +44 7785 302 803
  +49 173 6242039