Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

[Livolsi, Stephane]

The following anecdote contains a bit of Audi content and a moral for those
of us who buy used Audis...  I hope you will all excuse the WOB, but I am
seriously bored here and the tale will reveal all....


Well here I sit. In Bella Coola, BC.  Remote.. Bella Coola, BC.  The time
now is 2:10PM Pacific Time Sunday Feb 10th.  I started to leave Bella Coola
at 5:00 PM Saturday Feb 9th.  Didn't get far.  Far enough for a $100 tow
bill, but not far enough to get home.

 See, it all started when I made the 460 km trip from Williams Lake to Bella
Coola on Friday morning.  Business takes me here a couple times a year. 5
hours of beautiful, flawless comfortable hassle free no problem at all
driving.  Outside temps slightly below freezing, and sunshine most of the
way.  Roads mostly in good condition and the twisty parts with compact
snow... oh my, what a blast.  I got to practice some of the moves I've seen
in the rally coverage on speedvision lately.  Seriously it was awesome.
This is a very lightly traveled road and generally you might see 4 or 5
other vehicles in the last 200 kms so you can comfortably and safely use the
whole road for ...um... er.. improving your driving style....
Anyway, I get here in gorgeous sunshine, stay overnight Friday and do my
business Saturday( by which time it is raining like you would not believe),
pick up some fuel (Shell 92 Octane and a bottle of octane boost for good
measure) and point the nose out of town, towards home.  And this, as I've
heard the commentators say during car races, "is where it all went terribly
wrong!"

About 50 kms out of town (still pouring rain and wet snow like crazy),
zipping along at a comfortable 90kms hour (heavy rain and some slush on the
road) the 86 5KTQ dies.  Engine just stops.  No sputtering, coughing,
bucking or anything, just dead.  Coast to a stop and the engine cranks over
strongly but not even a hint of firing.  Quick diagnostic and voila - fuel
pump is not pumping.  Oh oh!  Now it's dark. So I wait for someone to come
by. And I wait a little bit more.  Nothing else to do so I wait some more
and while I am waiting I put a direct 12V to the fuel pump (right at the
pump) to ensure "non-compliance"  Dead fuel pump is confirmed.  Nothing else
to do, so I ...wait some more.  Finally a friendly group of fellows happens
along and stops to offer me a lift. (fortunately they were going in the
right direction).  Takes me to the home of the first tow truck owner in
town.  No body home.  Not good.  Off we go down the road to the second tow
truck owner.  He's home.  Just had a couple of beers, but he is home.  He
gets his stuff together, we hop in the truck and go fuel her up.  Initial
attempts to determine how much this will cost me fail. "Well, gee I don't
know, I'll have to check the rate sheet at the shop" GRIN. Actually it all
worked out ok.  He thought I was further up the road and quoted $140.  It
ended up being $100 and we left the taxman out of it.  Oops! should I be
writing that here...?  Oh well, on with the story...  This is where it got
downright scary!  This guy was in one big hurry to get to my car.  We got
seriously heavy rain, heavy fog, incredible amounts of standing water in the
pools on the road, sometimes actual streams across the road and we are just
flying.  The road has some major frost heaves and I can proudly say that "I
took to the air in a tow truck and lived to tell about it!"  The driver
chuckled a bit when I nervously asked "Ummm.. you are going to go a bit
slower on the way back, right?"  Reassured me by averring that "Don't worry,
I've never lost one yet!"

So we get to the car.  He must have asked me 5 times if I was sure it was
all wheel drive.  In all fairness it was still raining like a son of a
....storm... and I didn't want to be out there either.  But I have to give
him credit he took all the steps to hook her up right and put it on a dolly.
Oh, did I mention yet that the tow truck broke..?  It's at times like that
when I think that Canada's hand gun control legislation is a good thing
because if I had one then......but I digress.... This funky little bar with
hydraulics that goes under the car and clamps the tires stopped working on
him.  Off to plan B (some different way of hooking it up) and we were
heading home.  Thankfully he did slow down considerably on the way in.

Now, the thing about it is that most if not all readers won't know where
Bella Coola is.  Bella Coola is about 1/4 of the way up the west coast of
British Columbia.  The only ways to get there are flying, ferry or driving
the road I came in.  No one would ever mistake Bella Coola for a 'thriving
metropolis'.  The population of the whole area is about 2000, and they are
widely spread out.  There aren't a lot in the way of services and I knew
right from the start I wouldn't find an OEM fuel pump here.  First step was
to confirm that indeed it was the pump and not relay or something else.  The
bed and breakfast I am staying at is very helpful in letting me work on it
under the carport because, yes, it is still raining very very hard.  Now to
the options.

Plan #1.  Take the dead pump out of the car and splice any in line electric
fuel pump into the fuel line somewhere.  That would work; I have a trunk
full of tools, etc that I could do it.....if I could find a fuel pump.  The
only electric fuel pumps within 460kms are in running vehicles and the
owners are somewhat reluctant to part with them.

Plan #2  Get a fuel pump from Williams Lake and get it trucked in by the
scheduled courier on Monday.  Pump would be here Monday about 7 or 8 PM.
Good.Good.  This could work. Wrong.  No fuel pump for my car in Williams
Lake.  Quickest anyone could get one is Tuesday and then at least another
day to get to me here.

Plan #3  Get a generic in line fuel pump from Williams Lake and ship as per
Plan #2.  Yeah Yeah that's it, that'll work.  Nope.  I got a couple of
contacts with generic in line electric fuel pumps but they only put out
about 8-10psi.  WTF?  What is with these pumps?  I'm reading that I need a
90  psi pump and all I can find is 10?

Plan #4  Surprisingly there is a small airline that flies from Vancouver to
Bella Coola daily.  Call up brother in Vancouver "find me a fuel pump, pay
whatever price they want and put it on the next plane (Monday 9:00 AM)"
Brother makes some calls and none of the places that are open have one.

Once more thankful for restrictive handgun legislation....

Plan #5  Call up fellow lister Tihol in Williams Lake. "help"  As I write,
he is on his way to come pick me up and bring me home(in his 88 90Q) ,
regrettably "sans my Audi".  I have decided to leave the car here in hopes
that someone will trash it...oops, did I say that out loud... I meant leave
it here for the week and come back next weekend with a brand spanking new
OEM 90 PSI fuel pump.

So how was your weekend?  Thanks for letting me vent and sorry for the WOB.

Oh yeah.  The moral to the story...?  When you buy an older used Audi,
change the fuel pump asap unless the previous owner can tell you how new it
is.  Scott Mockrey, Phil Payne and Huw Powell, among others, tell us these
things over and over again.  I'm going to start listening.

Stephane