not boxy, and very bad

[Brett Dikeman]

Years of pent up frustration from being "boxy but good" have
unleashed something scary from Volvo's design department- the 2004
S40R and V70R.

Let's run down the vitals.

All wheel drive.

300hp from a twin-intercooler, kkk-turbo'd I-5.  0-60 in 5.6 seconds
for the wagon, 5.4 for the sedan.

Shocks have active adjustment, termed "4C"- not quite the same as the
RS6's active roll-cancelling, but not shabby, either.  Three
suspension settings/modes, depending upon how naughty you're feeling.

Traction control/vehicle stability control can be switched to
"slightly tail happy" mode as well as completely off(gotta press the
button five times apparently- but no "I will behave myself" waiver
faxed to Volvo necessary.)

AWD, traction control, ABS, vehicle dynamics and suspension system
all integrated 'of course'; the thing has more computers than I can
count, and it's wired.  Wheel speed, suspension travel, ride height,
at least 3 accelerometers, steering angle...

A 6-speed manual or 5-speed automatic, your choice...something Audi
won't be offering in the redesigned S4. Audi, sporty?  My, they're
the only high performance compact sedan left on the market right now
with no manual; BMW, Jaguar, Mercedes, Mitsubishi, Subaru, Volvo and-
oh yes, VW as well, all offer small, high performance sedans with
sticks(in varying degrees of luxury and price, of course.)  DSG won't
be coming around here until the 2004 TT(and only the TT...), and I
don't care how fast it shifts, it's still a bloody #$@!ing automatic.
I wish they'd get that through their skulls; some people want a
clutch on the floor and lever connected to a gearbox -they- control.
TISK TISK.  Volvo 1, Audi 0.

Pleasure that numerous Volvo owners(after years of getting dusted by
absolutely everything) will get in blowing off young-gun BMW owners
in their M3's with a VOLVO WAGON?  Hah- Audi's got nothing on Volvo
in the "underdog reputation" category.  Volvo 2, Audi 0.

Legendary and unmarked safety record, since day one...versus a
somewhat blemished history with so-so crash tests here and there(pop
over to the insurance industry's crash-test website if you don't
believe me).  Tisk tisk.  Volvo 3, Audi 0.

Well, I suppose it wouldn't be fair to neglect to mention that the
Audi will have 40 more hp...but on the other hand, Volvo's gone for
an I-5 turbo- a format which is dear to many of our hearts(and that
of many Volvo enthusiasts)- and still kept similar times, probably
due to not being nearly a pig on the scales.  The I-5 will probably
get better mileage, city and highway.  Not to mention, the V8 will
require serious money to get any HP improvements(in both labor and
materials), whereas I'd be amazed if a chip doesn't squeak out an
impressive number of additional horsies from the Volvo's
engine(remember, they're Volvo- they play it safe, right?) for much
better HP-per-bux(see below on where those extra bux might come
from).  I'll call this one even, even though I think Volvo takes this
one.

Alright, this one's just downright unfair, but we're going no-holds
barred here.  Audi wagons are a joke, and always have been.  Volvos
are more roundy than they used to be, but their wagons are still
quite boxy, and that means useable space.  The cubic feet may be
about the same, but the space is unusable in the Audis due to the
sloped back hatch; I can fit gobs more stuff in the 960 than I could
in a type 44 wagon, but they both have 45 cu ft of space.  Audi
"avants" are 5-door hatchbacks.  Volvos are -wagons-.  Volvo 4, Audi
0.

18" wheels and very un-volvo-like spoiler for the wagon not included
in the $40k sticker, with a (from the pictures) darn nice looking
interior.  The 2004 S4 will cost you a full $5k more(although I have
no closely compared features/options, mostly because the information
is not readily accessible).  Tisk tisk.  Volvo 5, Audi 0.

You'll be able to get one of these beasts any day now...the S4 will
require waiting until end-of-fall, for a 2004 model.  Further dooming
sales, people buy cars in spring, not fall.  Tisk tisk.  Volvo 6,
Audi 0.

Final score: Volvo 6, Audi 0.  Ouch- that's gonna leave a mark.

"[psssht] Ingolstadt, this is Auburn Hills, we have a problem [beep]"

Just like many BMW enthusiasts left the blue and white disk for the 4
rings when the S4 came out(and embarrassed BMW silly), what makes
Audi think Audi enthusiasts will hang around waiting for the S4 when
the Volvo's just as fast, at least as safe(possibly more so), just as
all-wheel-drive, better suspension, more cargo room if they want the
wagon, and they can get a 6-speed...all for $5k cheaper?

B
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"They that give up essential liberty to obtain temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin
http://www.users.cloud9.net/~brett/