Tailgaters

[Mike]

From: "Greville H. Bowles" <zaphod at cansafe.com>
> I keep a stash of pennies in the car and flip them up through
> the sun roof... Suggestions (polite ones)are appreciated...

Well, being of an inventive mind, and not bereft of some mechanical skill, I
have thought of several non-lethal methods of discouraging tailgaters.
However, please keep in mind that these are all, except for #4, simply
fanciful ideas and _NOT_ practical suggestions.  Dreaming is allowed,
actually doing it is probably very, very illegal and quite dangerous.

1. A concealed dispenser just under the rear bumper that dispenses via
dropping (_not_ "ejects", "propels" or "shoots") one of the following:
  a. powdered milk in water suspension
  b. Jello powder in water suspension
  c. brown tempera paint in water suspension ("oil")

Having driven behind a leaking milk transport, I'm familiar with how
difficult it is to remove dried milk from one's automobile.  Car lovers
would totally freak.  Jello would probably be worse, but will gel at low
temperatures.

The "oil" ("1-c") might elicit a quicker response than the first two
liquids, but it should also be easier to clean off of the offending vehicle.
The slip stream of air from the dispensing vehicle would probably spread the
"goods" out enough to effectively get the attention of the tailgater.

However, I'm also very sure that all of the above involve some legal
liability for potential damage to the tailgater's vehicle, as well as the
risk of initiating an accident.  This is _dreaming_, remember?

Oh, don't use this on bikers, especially Hell's Angels.  Not a good idea...

2. A device that injects a fine spray of water onto (not "into") the exhaust
system a few inches before the end of the exhaust pipe so that enough steam
is generated to effectively discourage the tailgater, but not enough to
blind the poor sucker.

Again, avoid the Harleys...

3. A fake camera lens with a smilie face logo, a blinking red LED (steadily
lit green LED optional), and a wiring cable.  Can be mounted on the deck
inside the rear window, or in a magnetic-mount case placed on the trunk lid
(while you could paint the gimmick to match your car's paint scheme, bright
"Construction Yellow" seems to get their attention rather quickly).  The mag
mount allows the fake to be removed and concealed in the trunk when
necessary.

Hopefully, the tailgater will assume that you're filming for "The World's
Worse Drivers".

4. (And this has been tested, and actually works on some folk down here in
the Bible Belt...)  Using 1" tall vinyl letters, place the following, spaced
evenly, along the highest vertical surface of the rear of the car:
"Christian?    Speeding...      Tailgating...      Hypocrite?"  The ending
question mark can be replaced with a period if desired.

#4 banks on the premise that most Christians know that they're obligated by
the Scriptures to obey any law enacted by their government that doesn't
force them to deny their faith (New Testament, in the book of Romans).

Granted, I'm sure that most Audi owners are _not_ going to put vinyl letters
on their beloved 4K/V8's back end, but my `87 Sentra's trunk lid lends
itself to this purpose rather admirably. [grin]

... and down here in Georgia it does work about 50% of the time.  It usually
takes about 30-45 seconds for the tailgater to react and back off.  I'm
probably going to do the same to my `77 VW Bus ("Giacomo") when we get him
running.

TTFN - Mike