VAG involved in early cold fusion research

[Livolsi, Stephane]

Some recently released information indicates that VAG was involved in the
search for cold fusion in the late 1980's.  This was kept hush hush until
recently when the enterprising mechanics at Haphazard Cutting and Welding
Werks attempted to change the front seal on the rear differential of a 1988
Audi 90Q.
The work proceeded as expected until the proof of cold fusion was uncovered.

Apparently the VAG engineers were forced to abandon their research, having
successfully created 2 pieces that would weld themselves together without
any outside force (ie. welding) being applied.  The 2 pieces being the
propshaft and rear diff input flange on a 1988 Audi 90Q.  We probably will
never know why they chose these pieces.
Being frugal in nature, they did not want to simply destroy the parts (what
a waste)so they cleverly concealed them in a fully functioning vehicle,
thinking that nobody would ever need to separate that joint because they
build such good quality vehicles.

Fast forward 15 years to 2003 at the well appointed Haphazard Cutting and
Welding Werks shop.  Following is an actual transcript of the fateful events
of August 31, 2003:

"I got the 6 bolts out but stopped for some lunch before removing the shaft"
"Ok, it should just pop off now"
"Hmmm.. looks like it might need a bit more persuasion" BANG BANG BANG
"WTF? - maybe it's held on some other way"
"Can't see anything...hit it some more" BANG BANG BANG
"Son of a. ....!" BANG BANG BANG
"OK, OK, let's try this.  Drop the car down, and rock it back and forth
using the engine.  Use the 130 (plus or minus) horsepower to break it free"
The car was dropped down to all 4 wheels and started up.  While pressing
hard on the brake pedal, the clutch was let out and pushed back in, let out,
pushed in, etc....trying to break the weld...errr..fusion.  No go.
"There must be something else holding it"  Further investigation(poking, and
probing) confirms there is nothing else holding it.
"OK, OK, how about this...we put the bolts back in, but not tight, just
leave them loose and then we'll go for a drive and do some radical braking
and accelerating, and when it separates, the loose bolts will hold it
together."
"ok" (said in an 'are you sure about this' tone"
This still failed to separate the weld....err...fusion.
"All right, enough of this, fire up the torch"
"You don't have any leaking gas lines do you?"
"Don't think so....."
After what seemed like hours applying heat (brazing gas) to the joint, more
BANG BANG BANG, still no separation.  Unfreaking believable.
"Well, it's not like we're getting paid to do this anyway, so let's just put
it back together and go for a swim.  We can ask the list later......and just
keep topping it up every couple of months."
"Good idea"

End transcript.

So, does anyone have a solution to this cold fusion thing?  One more thing
we tried was putting a trolley jack on the cv joint and jacking it up.  This
was with the 6 flange bolts OFF, and the whole car lifted off the ground.  I
know this sounds like BS, but it is true.

Stephane