interesting awd history.. [LAC]

[Douglas Fifield]

ROTFLMAO.

Hooo, that was good.  Can I hire you to write my next car sale ad?

D.

On 1/2/07, Mark J. Besso <mbspeed at maxboostracing.com> wrote:
> Wow, that sure didn't appear the way I'd hoped.  Let me try that again...
>
> The following article is reprinted (with absolutely no permission
> whatsoever) from the July '04 issue of Sports Car Illustrated.  It's written
> by Jay Lamm, formerly the editor of that same magazine, but now simply a
> columnist.
>
> ~Mark
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>     I've already told you the tale of my '73 Godzilla Defense Force Mazda,
> which I built for the Double 500 and sold on eBay later at a profit of
> hundreds of dollars (not counting $10,000+ worth of labor, fairly little of
> it mine).
>     You may also remember --given a mind for useless trivia and little else
> to occupy it-- that I had a Series 1 Jensen Interceptor rotting in the
> driveway, which was a car I bought off of eBay with the goal of creating a
> Jensen rat-rod for the California Melee.
>     One lesson I learned from the Mazda was that an attention-getting eBay
> ad can net you a lot of moola.  A lesson I learned from my last trip under
> the Jensen with a magnet was that there wasn't enough steel left in it to
> support a chili can, let alone a Wedge-motored vintage racer.  And the third
> lesson applicable to this story is that honesty may not always be the best
> policy.
>     The eBay ad through which I bought the poor old Jensen had been honest
> at least in a literal sense, but it pointedly hadn't mentioned the car's
> bone-deep rust and all-encompassing crappiness.  Mind you, the ad didn't
> lie, but neither did it go out of its way to tell the truth.
>     Well, in my mind, a three-figure parts car is hardly worth going to Hell
> over.  After briefly considering my backup plan --building a 7/5-scale
> Caterham shell for the Jensen's tube frame and calling it a "Super-Duper
> Seven"-- I decided to put the corpse back on eBay, only this time with a
> painfully honest description.  My ad would not only describe the car's
> condition, it would try to express some of the flavor of this fetid English
> crustbucket.  It went up on December 30th.
>
> '67 Jensen Interceptor Hooptie
>
>     Vehicle Description:  Jensen built over 6,000 Interceptors, continually
> developing and debugging the model for nearly ten years until it almost
> wasn't horrible.  Alas, this is an extremely early example, so it's horrible
> in every conceivable way.
>     Granted, as the 180th Interceptor ever made, this right-hand-drive '67
> Type 1 could be worse.  The first few dozen of these overheating,
> pig-handling, self-immolating rust-buckets came with Vignale-built bodies of
> such staggeringly poor quality that the ENGLISH wouldn't accept them, which
> is saying quite a mouthful.  Even as it is, this British-built version was
> apparently made from an alloy of salt, wet newspapers, and tuna cans.  The
> front floors, both sills, most of the exterior front bodywork, and the left
> doorpost are all shot; the inner front fenders and box sections have taken a
> similar stroll across the periodic table, as have the lower parts of all
> four outer fenders.  The hood, while fairly free of corrosion, appears to
> have been run over by a monster truck.
>     On the upside, the greenhouse and rear clip aren't too bad.  The rear
> suspension points are nice and solid, and the twin-sewer-pipe tube frame
> --miraculously escaping the usual rust ahead of the firewall that causes the
> entire front half of these cars to break off and roll away on their own-- is
> totally sound.  I can only chalk this up to a liberal coating of Limey
> lubricants having leaked from the sump and gearbox.
>     The engine (a Jensen-spec Chrysler 383), transmission (787
> Torque-Flite), brakes, and radiator were all supposedly rebuilt by the car's
> last owner.  I half-heartedly buy it regarding the brakes and radiator,
> which look pretty new.  As to the engine, I think he's defined "rebuild" as
> "a new can of Ford-blue engine paint."
>     This fine example of how Britain lost its empire comes with good glass
> all around, working window motors, good (rare Type 1) dash and console
> metal, the pathetic remains of four original Armstrong Selectaride shocks
> and a fairly cursory paper trail.
>     Vehicle Condition:  Pretty sorry-ass.  But go ahead and e-mail me with
> any questions, as I love to be reminded of that.
>     Terms of Sale:  For starters, you can get it out of my driveway.
>
>     The response, I have to admit, exceeded my wildest dreams.  By the end
> of the ten-day auction I got:
>         -52,982 hits.
>         -262 individual e-mails, about 261 of which began with, "I
> definitely don't want your car, but...."
>         -28 bids (mostly in one-dollar increments) from exactly the kind of
> Mopar-fan and/or stoner screen names you'd expect, like 6pack68, thewailer
> and bb70duste.  I was pulling for ratfacegoon myself, but he gave up early
> --$225 was too rich for his blood.
>         -E-mails from nine current Interceptor owners, seven of whom liked
> the ad, one who didn't understand it and one who (you can't make this stuff
> up) said he was "scandalized and incensed and confused" by the
> "irresponsible, irrational characterization of this motorcar of notable
> achievement and importance."
>
>     The ad even got reprinted in one of the British old-car mags --it was
> either thoroughbred & Classic or Classic & Sportscar, I can't actually tell
> them apart-- for which I'm considering sending them a bill.
>     I got 425 buck in the end, which was 800 less than I had in it but 400
> more than I would've taken.  I really just wanted to find somebody who'd
> actually have a use for the thing, and to open up another space in my
> driveway.  I'd found this engine-less Maserati 3500 on eBay, see, and from
> the description, anyway, it sounded like a really good one.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
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> ---
> Watch this space for ads :)
>


-- 
Douglas in MN
95.5 Audi S//6 Avant
73 BMW R60/5 mit Toaster Tank