[s-cars] Another Notice Re: Santa

[Christopher Leal]

Have you been watching to much of the Speed Channel?

-----Original Message-----
From: s-car-list-admin at audifans.com
[mailto:s-car-list-admin at audifans.com]On Behalf Of Charlie Smith
Sent: Thursday, December 05, 2002 8:28 AM
To: Audi S Car List
Cc: Charlie Smith
Subject: [s-cars] Another Notice Re: Santa



I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer
be able to service the Southern United States on Christmas Eve.

Due to overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.  I now
serve only certain areas of Nebraska, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin
and Michigan.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for
milk and cookies so keep that in mind.  However, I'm certain that your
children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens
to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.  His side of the family is from
the South pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good
boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:

1.  There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus.  He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads: "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson."

2.  Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave a RC Cola and peanut patty (or a moon pie) on the fireplace.
And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.  He dips a little snuff though, so
please have an empty spit can handy.

3.  Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer.  I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4.  You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when
Bubba Claus arrives.  Instead you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace,
on Martin and LaBonte.  On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty."

5.  "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves reply, "I her'd dat!"

6.  As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back Off!"

7.  Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt.  If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.

8.  Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue Santa cap because
he says it makes him look like a girly-boy.  He has been granted
permission to wear a white Stetson with a red band instead and black
cowboy boots..

Sincerely Yours,  Santa Claus
(Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)


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