[s-cars] Friday humor

[CaptMagu at aol.com]

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[ Picked text/plain from multipart/alternative ]
s-heads

I received this bit of aviation humor from my first squadron commander in the
Air Force. What would become apparent to me is that my first commander would
be the best. He was the kind of man that you wanted to please. You just
didn't want to disappoint this guy. So at your retirement home on Lake LBJ in
the state of Texas, I salute you Col Roy Ginder, as I share these tales of
flight with this band of merry men from around the world.

Lt Col Hap Maguire USAFR, Retired

 Subject: Is Flying Safe
>
> Flight Instructions -
>
> Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
>
> Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>
> **********
>
> One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of
> the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
around,
> and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8
> crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it
> yourself?"
>
> Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, was not about to let the insult go by, came
> back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
like
> that and I'll have enough parts for another one."
>
> *********
>
> There's a story about the military pilot calling for priority landing
> because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
>
> Air Traffic Control (ATC) told the fighter jock that he was number two
> behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
>
> "Ah," the pilot remarked," the dreaded seven-engine approach."
>
> ******
>
> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
>
> While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your
> last known position?"
>
> Student: "When I was number one for take-off".
>
> *******
>
> Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
> returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
>
> A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
>
> "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
>
> explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new
> pilot."
>
> *******
>
> A man telephoned the United Airlines office at Denver International
Airport
> and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Colorado Springs?"
>
> The clerk said, "Just a minute." (my favorite)
>
> "Thank you," the man said, and hung up.
>
> *******
>
> "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
>
> "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
>
> "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
>