[s-cars] You know you have been happersized when:

[CaptMagu at aol.com]

Chris

I felt that I must respond to this diatribe of yours which I take as a 
personal attack! Please note my responses.
In a message dated 5/8/05 9:18:07 PM, fastscirocco_2000 at yahoo.com writes:


> You know you have been happersized when:
> 
> 
> 1.    The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the
> rollers.
> 
OK so they do laugh. They're gonna howl when they see the new version.

> 2.    You can't drive your car in the rain.
> 
Quattro does help a little.

> 3.    Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
> 
So, she's a girly girl.
> 4.    You are afraid to drive your car.
> 
Only just a little.

> 5.    You spend more on tires than on food.
> 
Have you seen my pictures? I eat alot of expensive food so this is very 
wrong!

> 6.    You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
> 
 Wrong! My house is paid for and my insurance company thinks I have a 12 year 
old 4 door sedan.

> 7.    You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped
> to the dash.
> 
Ok so this one is true ;-)

> 8.    You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
> 
Huh? 

> 9.    You have to go to the track to buy gas.
> 
Wrong again. I have a very convenient 105 octane gas supplier that is pretty 
close to Evahboost.


> 10.    Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
> 
Well, not exactly. This latest round was just a happy bunch of guys from 
Evahboost playin with dakine fire.

> 11.    Bobby Labonte and Dale Jarrett wave you by.
> 
Nevah had that happen but Pobst and Gallatti did wave me by at Sears Point.


> 12.    You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
> 
Look out Luke!

> 13.    You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
> 
Definately not an issue since I work out of my home office. However, I did 
wear it on the way to the airport this morning.

> 14.    Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift
> back to red as you're receding.
> 
This works everywhere except the Soviet Socialist Republic of Boulder.

> 15.    You arrive somewhere before you left.
> 
This just blows me away everytime it happens.

> 16.    You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you
> go if "they can look under the hood."
> 
This really did happen on Hwy 36 on the way to an s-car lunch in Boulder.


> 17.    You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
> 
I would nevah do this. Say,how much does my audio system weigh???

> 18.    You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
> 
Thay just called me about my 2005 application. Have you been talkin to those 
guys?

> 19.    You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in
> being in the Cannonball Run.
> 
Brock Yates did call me last night.


> 20.    Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you
> drive the car.
> 
My wife was askig me about all the funny faces I've been making lately.


> 21.    You need parachute braking.
> 
You know even with the Big Reds at all 4 corners, I do need more braking. Do 
you have a part number please???


> 22.    Your 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
> 
Absolutely false. But, she does make me warn her when its time to accelerate.


> 23.    There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6
> am.
> 
The 3 1/2" downpipe and the tubular manifold along with the GT 35R turbo are 
actually quieter than the old setup.


> 24.    Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage
> door is opened.
> 
Add to that all the little furry animals and infant children of Evahboost.


> 25.    Family photos throughout the house are replaced with life-sized
> posters of your car.
> 
Say Chris, uh, have you been to my house???


> 26.    Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
> 
I already talked about my dealer that's close by.


> 27.    You carry earplugs in your car.
> 
Not needed any more.


> 28.    The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the
> windshield.
> 
Everything is spotless on my car. Now Mike Pederson is another story.


> 29.    You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding
> 145 mph.
> 
I always thought those mirrors were wimpy.


> 30.    You spend more time on two wheels than most people spend over
> 55mph.
> 
My suspension is stiff but not that stiff.


> 31.    You watch the gas guage go down visibly as you cruise along the
> highway.
> 
No again. My car gets good mileage as long AS YOU'RE NOT ON IT!!!


> 32.    The guys down at the informal strip won't run against you without a
> 10 second lead.
> 
Where is this strip?
> 
> AUDI - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence.
> 
Given my my new career in Christian ministyr, I'd call it more of a heavenly 
influence.God bless and no hard feelings ;-)

Hap, wit dakine long ansahs from Evahboost, Maguire