[urq] [s-cars] from Sucking LeMons, to Head LeMons. (long)

[Stephen Redford]

------------ Most excellent  Dribble from your Neighbor !!!!   Well Written !!!     Thankyou for posting it  !!!!           Stephen Redford '85 Urq - with MegaSquirt-Still in the Shop





On Jun 15, 2010, at 9:17 AM, bill mahoney wrote:

> Dribble courtesy of my Clueless Racing neighbor.
> (I think the Makers Mark bribe sealed the deal..)
> 
> 
> 4-19-10. Once again Clueless Racing demonstrates that wisdom and
> treachery can overcome youth and vigor.  In the end it came down to
> team fuel strategy and psycho driving to prevail against over 50
> drivers running the junkiest cars in racing.
> 
> You may have heard of the 24 Hours of LeMons but last weekend we raced
> in the 24 Hours of Lemons a race series where the primary rule is that
> your car cannot cost more than $500.00 dollars. That’s right $500.00.
> To learn more about the series go to: http://www.24hoursoflemons.com/
> 
> Here’s the story………. We arrived at Gingerman Raceway in South Haven,
> Michigan on Thursday afternoon, Steve Kohli with the car loaded in his
> mansion on wheels car hauler and Art Kopp pulling the Clueless Camper
> Bunkhouse . We set up our paddock area as close to the track as
> possible and unloaded our top flight racer, a 1989 Honda Civic CRX SI
> whose odometer stopped working at 253,000 miles.
> 
> With our paddock area set up, we settled in for a light dinner and too
> much scotch, well Bill and me, too much scotch, don’t remember what
> everybody else did.
> 
> Friday was designated  a track test day where any team that wants to
> can run their car on the track to learn the track, test the
> reliability of their car and risk smashing the thing up before the
> race even starts. We tested all day. We gave each driver a bit under
> an hour on the track to get dialed in and learn the track.  Also on
> Friday we towed the car thru the Technical Inspection Station where
> real people who know real stuff about car safety look over your car to
> make sure you are safe enough to limit the chance that you will injure
> other competitors on the track by having stuff fall off, leak out, or
> blow up during the race. The inspectors made us replace our seat belts
> with new ones and modify our fuel cell to reduce the chance of
> explosion in a crash.  Our risk / reward analysis had lead us to
> believe that the faster fueling capability with our fuel set up was
> worth the risk, but the safety officials didn’t see it our way,
> Chickens!
> 
> Once we had our list of fixes to do from Tech Inspection we towed the
> car forward about thirty feet into the BS Inspection Area. This is
> where the race organizers, who have limited technical knowledge, no
> sympathy, no sense of logic or reason, and no moral standards, assign
> penalties based on their arbitrary judgment of how much your car is
> REALLY worth.  Based on a convoluted series of bribes and lies last
> year we had been assigned a residual value of $425.00 for our car
> which meant that from last year’s race to this year’s race we could
> spend $75.00 on improvements to our car. When the inspector, who was
> wearing a Black trench coat and a giant cowboy hat, asked how we spent
> the $75.00 dollars we were allowed, Steve Kohli, our team spokesman,
> instantly stuck out his hand and said, “we used it to buy you this
> half gallon of Makers Mark Whiskey”. Stunned, the inspector grabbed
> the bottle, said  we’d passed the BS inspection with flying colors and
> told us to get out of there immediately. I jumped into the tow
> vehicle, put it in gear and hit the throttle. I didn’t know the race
> car was in gear with the ignition turned on. As soon as the tow
> vehicle moved it, the race car fired up and started driving itself
> toward the back end of the tow vehicle. Art Kopp noticed the impending
> disaster and with cat like reflexes dove head first thru driver’s side
> window and attempted to turn the ignition off before impact. He was
> just a second too late. So here we are, Clueless Racing , drivers legs
> dangling out the window, car crashed into our own tow vehicle, right
> in front of the safety and BS inspectors……… priceless. People actually
> applauded. The day ended at a really nice Italian bistro in South
> Haven followed by a good nights sleep for everyone. The team was
> optimistic about our chances for success. The team was pumped, we were
> gonna win the race.
> 
> Saturday morning was colder but sunny and less windy than Friday, race
> day! We had our driver order figured out. The first phase of the race
> would be from 10:30 am to 8:00 pm, Bob Lojkovic  would lead off
> followed by Steve two hours later, then Art, then Rick, and Bob would
> close the day with a final 1 ½ hour stint. Things went well from the
> beginning. Our starting position, which is totally arbitrary and
> unpredictable, was about 20th and we slowly improved our position thru
> the day and without too much drama finished the day in first place by
> six laps. We had a strange problem with the rotor under the
> distributor cap shedding fine, hair like filaments which after a few
> hours of accumulation would cause the car to misfire. When we would
> come into the pit for a driver change a quick blow out with compressed
> air would clean this up for a couple of more hours. During the day
> both Steve and Rick were each called to the penalty box one time and
> scolded for various trumped up violations which they both denied
> vigorously and were let go with a slap on the wrist.  With the first
> race phase complete, we changed tires, brake pads, fueled the car and
> were ready for the next day. Nancy whipped up a truly gourmet dinner,
> Art broke out the 12 year old Scotch and we all went to bed full of
> great food and a heavy dose of optimism.
> 
> Sunday morning was a little bit warmer, sunny and a little bit less
> windy. Bill cooked up a giant breakfast of cheesy eggs, ham, bacon,
> and potatoes after which Bob was sent out in search of some new parts
> for the distributor and Art changed the oil in the car. The second
> phase of the race would begin at noon and run until 5:00 pm. The
> planned driver order would be Steve Kohli for the first two hours,
> then Art Kopp for the next two, and Rick Bartuska would run the final
> one hour to the finish. The first ten cars were started in the order
> they had finished the day before. All other cars were started in
> whatever order they arrived at the starting line. Lap count would pick
> up where it had left off the prior day. We were six laps in the lead
> when Steve led the grid out onto the track and trouble arrived almost
> from the beginning.
> 
> About a half hour into Steve’s stint the clutch stopped working. It
> wouldn’t disengage.  Steve was able to shift the car with rev matching
> technique, but his lap times were suffering. We brought him into the
> pit to try to diagnose and fix the problem. The clutch cable had
> broken where it connects to the clutch arm on the transmission.  Art
> came up with a quick fix and we sent Steve back out. Our six lap lead
> was now down to none. Steve was afraid of the temporary clutch fix and
> found that he could produce reasonably good lap times using third gear
> only. Steve used this technique while Bob ran to the parts store to
> buy an assortment of things we might be able to use to affect a
> lasting repair to the clutch system.  In Steve’s effort to hold onto
> our lead, he overcooked a corner, put two wheels off the track and was
> called into the penalty area for another talking to. The officials
> spent about ten minutes chatting with Steve about safety, the weather,
> the color of our car and generally anything they wanted in order to
> punish him for going off track by holding him in the penalty area.
> Steve, being the patient man he is, had 3 aneurisms and 4 strokes
> while maintaining a calm outward appearance to the penalty box
> officials. When they finally released him we were six laps behind the
> leader. Now Steve gets back out on the track and is  producing quite
> good lap times considering the clutch problem. Bob returns carrying
> half the Auto Zone store with him and Art and Bill come up with a
> cobbled together repair that looks like it can be done quickly and
> will carry us to the end of the race.
> 
> Everybody is really wound up and nervous as we call Steve in for a
> driver change, fuel, and the Clutch cable repair. Art was supposed to
> go into the car next but because he is the best mechanic in the pit,
> we decide to have Rick drive next so Art can concentrate on making the
> clutch repair. Steve swings into the pit and we fill the car to the
> brim with fuel.  We think filling the tank to the top will let us do
> the next driver change without refueling which will shorten our pit
> stop and help gain laps on the leader. Fueling, driver change, and
> clutch repairs all go smoothly and Rick swings out onto the track.
> With the repaired clutch cable, he immediately starts to close on the
> leader although from many laps down. The leader pits shortly after us
> and when he comes back out we’re still six laps down but closing. Two
> hours into Ricks stint and we’ve only closed the gap by two laps.
> We’re down four laps and we think that if we have enough fuel to
> finish the race maybe the leader (car 71) will have to pit so we might
> be able to catch him.
> 
> The team decides to go for it and leave the same driver in the car to
> finish the race and hopefully catch the leader if they need to pit for
> fuel. We know our fuel supply will be almost exhausted by the end of
> the race at 5:00 pm when it is announced over the PA system that the
> race will end at 5:30 and not 5:00 pm.  We are really stretched for
> fuel now and we’re not sure we can go the distance on our 20 gallon
> fuel cell.  We’re thinking of coming in for a splash of fuel when we
> see the lead (#71) car’s crew starting to get ready to make a fuel
> stop. Sure enough they pit for fuel and when they reenter the track
> it’s under yellow and they enter right in front of our car. After a
> few laps of yellow the track goes green and we start to race. Our team
> is not positive of what our position is because the track only
> publishes the car positions once every half hour. Rick follows the 71
> car and conserves fuel until we hear if both cars are on the same lap.
> When the track publishes the positions we’re shown two laps ahead of
> the former leader.   The 71 car now is driving like a mad man to stay
> ahead. Apparently the driver doesn’t know he’s 2 laps down. Rick
> decides to pass him to get away to avoid an accident.  Once around him
> we can pull away slowly but repeated yellow flags keep allowing him to
> come back on our tail. The 71 car is really racing us and we’re trying
> to get away to avoid an accident and still conserve fuel. Finally we
> decide to get behind the 71 car to try to “psycho drive” him as Bill
> called it. We race him right on his tail for awhile, pass him, let him
> pass us, pop in and out, fake passes, and wave around behind him so he
> has to keep watching his mirrors to see where we might be coming from.
> Finally, after several laps the strategy works and he becomes so
> distracted watching us he spins on entry to a turn. He’s watching
> what’s behind him instead of watching what’s ahead of him. The 71 car
> goes off track and is called to the penalty area for a talking to and
> when he renters the track he’s six laps behind us and the third place
> car is eight laps behind us. At this point there are about forty
> minutes left in the race and the team puts Rick into extreme fuel
> conserve mode losing 15 seconds a lap along with driving the whole
> track in fourth gear to try to save the clutch cable. We take the
> checker flag two laps ahead with no fuel left. The head of Tech
> immediately comes to our paddock, measures our fuel cell, takes the
> model number and suggests that we have an illegal (oversized) fuel
> tank. He doesn’t believe our car could go over 100 laps on a single
> tank of fuel. He returns a few minutes later, after online
> verification, to acknowledge that we are legal. The tank is actually
> two gallons bigger than we thought, but still below the maximum size
> allowed.
> 
> Huge celebration including big pit lane burn out on the rev limiter! I
> think we won more money (360lbs of nickels, you do the math) than the
> weekend cost us, or maybe half. It was a great effort by all.
> Everybody got along and everybody pitched in wherever necessary.
> Clueless Racing and the number 61 Van Halen car are the current points
> leaders in the Eastern Division of the 24 Hours of Lemons series. The
> venue was great, the corner workers were great and the Lemons
> organizers were….. mmm …..ahhhh…. well………..exactly who they wanted to
> be.
> 
> Drivers:
> 
> Art Kopp
> 
>       Steve Kohli
> 
>       Bob Lojkovic
> 
>       Rick Bartuska
> 
> Crew:
> 
>       Bill Bartuska
> 
> Food, support, encouragement and a steady hand:
> 
>       Nancy Kopp
> 
> Special thanks to our sponsors:
> 
>       Steve Kohli Design / Build Contractors – Best home builder in
> the Iowa City area.
> 
>       M/K industries – Best ventilation contractor in the greater Chicago area.
> 
>       Porter Pipe and Supply – Best HVAC and Process pipe supplier in
> the Midwest.
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