[V8] Audi bashing - can I take a turn?

[Carter Johnson]

As I see it, there are a few reasons that Audi *should* be bashed.  They've been playing catch-up to their larger cousins (BMW and MB) for a long time now, and the unique features that set them apart (mainly, quattro and turbocharging) in the 1980's were long ago abandoned as unique features in order to conform more to the "German" image.  
   
  I do see the point of the car, but Audi's attempt to blend AMG and M cars together is - to me - disappointing, as they acheive neither the results nor the notoriety of either. 

Both M and AMG built their reputation (AMG as a subsidiary of MB, not the limited tuner aspect) racing light, nimble cars. Now they're building barroom brawler, and Audi feels the need to play catchup. Are the M5, RS6 and SL65AMG neato cars? Undoubtedly, but 1) they aren't the sleeper sedans that the original M5, S4, and E500 were, 2) they aren't light, toss'em around and wind them out on a country road cars that the original M3, Ur-Q and 190E 2.3 16V were, 3) once you hit 75 (in a touch under 5 seconds in all), you've exceeded every speed limit in this country, and 4) none of them are good track cars - important, because its perhaps the only place you could really take them out and challange yourself, because their limits are so high and they're so, so heavy, that even though they can do amazing things, they can only do amazing things breifly.  I just was at the track two weeks ago with my 86 GT.  We ran the car - at redline - with a fresh motor for ~25 20 minute sessions
 on track over two days.  It used a tank and a half of fuel, but the tires were still useable and showed fairly little wear, the brakes weren't gone or warped, and I still managed to pass a Carrera GT on track, along with multitudes of S4's.

To me, it's the difference between working with you're dad in the yard, when you always thought he was the strongest guy in the world, and having Mr. Olympia show up in a flexing pose. Impressive? Yeah, but I'd rather have dinner with my dad....

  As an instructor for the Audi club, we're sometimes tasked with difficult jobs - one of them is getting into the right seat of these mega-horsepower cars.  When it's me, I used to let the guys run free, and I learned my lesson.  It took me ~4 years of track days to really feel like I was pushing the GT to its limits, but on the warmup lap these ubersedans can exceed any speed my mega-suspensioned and tired GT can generate.  All that comfort?  Just goes towards masking the fact that you're going faster than you're capable of driving.  All those computer systems?  Work great, except they're saving your butt most of the time from killing yourself.  With cars capable of hitting 130-140mph easily with no real saftey equiptment, you can see why a lot of instructors are hesitant to get into those cars.
   
  The B7, visually, is a standout from the B6.  The B5 was - in my opinion - better looking than both, because it stood out from the crowd.  Blur your eyes, and all those sleek sedans start to look the same, and they all have elements of each other.  Q7?  Yes, the two that they had at the showroom in multi-tone looked like inflated Subaru Outbacks to me.  I will say this - the engines have come a long way since 1986, but what truly made Audi special to lots of people (namely, us leftover 80's freaks) and what truly made Audi stand out from the crowd was long ago lost.  The originality of the Ur-Q, the V8Q, the RS2 and S6 plus have been replaced by a horsepower war where nothing really original - just really fast - is being slung out.  That's why they're not winning big comparisons against specifically BMW.  Now, if Audi did a V10 TDi S8 and could make it work, that would be something to talk about....
     
  Carter (steps down from soapbox)


W. Carter Johnson
SileStone/Counterfitt of RI
401-573-2399
Too many Audis:
1986 Coupe GT
1985 Coupe GT
1993 V8 Quattro
 		
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