[V8] The Black Mariah

[Roger M. Woodbury]

Is retired.  I just had it go up on eBay, and it brought quite a bit less
than I felt that it should have brought.  It was depressing, but the truth
is that the market for these '91 Audi 20Valve Avants is very weak.  Even the
best of the best won't bring more than $5000, it doesn't seem.  Last year
there was that one car in Naples Florida with less than 80,000 miles that
went for five grand one half hour before I called.  

So, I am now undecided about what to do about the carcass.  I haven't the
time to part it out although I am tempted to offer it up as parts and then
just pick away.  Probably not a good plan, but I hate to give it away.

Anyway, upward and onward.

I broke down and called the guy in Gulfport, Mississippi who was advertising
a Black/Black V8.  The car was a 1992 with 130,000 and the pics looked
pretty good.  Since the ad showed no price, I figured, what the hell, let's
find out how much one of these cars might be in Gulfport....$3900.  Now,
assuming that this car had not received the extreme detail treatment given
to cars in the Katrina Car Wash, this appears to be THE market price for a
decent looking V8 with around 130k.  

Right now I am driving The Runt as my daily driver.  I purely HATE the
thing.  The Runt is a 1992 Ford F150 Flareside 4X4.  I bought The Runt to be
a plow truck, and it is the best plow truck that I have ever owned for the
kind of plowing I do.  The short wheelbase makes it easy to plow the narrow
roads and tight driveways of my neighbors and myself, and the short stance
also gives it remarkable balance.  

But driving it down the road is lousy.  The transmission is one of Ford's
"better ideas".  You know, the kind of idea that has rendered Ford stock
worth about as much as old cereal box tops.  It is a three speed automatic
transmission with an overdrive that drops rpm so much that in order to make
the truck go up the slightest hill the thing has to downshift.  Coupled to a
5.0 litre V8 that has about seventeen horsepower, the thing is sluggish.

It gets around 15 miles per gallon of regular running now, and it gets about
ten in the winter with the plow on the nose, so fuel mileage isn't
putrid...it is just that lousy transmission that makes it ugly.  

I am shopping for another vehicle.  I think the next vehicle will be a late
90's Chevy/GMC, maybe 3/4 ton pickup 4X4.  I might sell The Runt, although
as a plow vehicle it is terrific, and it got a new/used transmission last
winter so it is probably worth more to me than to anyone else at this point.
It has only had three Maine winters, and has only 130,000 miles or so.

The pickup will be useful when we start to move, and I WANT a standard
pickup with full size box.  

And the V8?  Well, I WANT another V8.  Pretty scarce right now.  The green
one in Washington apparently is sold, as the ad is no longer on Autotrader.
There is a green one in New Jersey that is interesting, but I really don't
want travertine insides.  There is a white one in Lousiville, but the guy
doesn’t seem to want to send me any pictures or much information.  And there
is a rusty '94 which I don't want to discuss.  That's IT, for 4.2 V8's.  Oh,
there is the one in Atlanta that has been for sale FOR EVER, but with
200,000 miles, it is at least twice what it should be if the guy really
wants to sell it.  Personally, I don't think the car exists, and it is just
a figment of some V8-nut's imagination.

For the first time in my life, I am in the market to BUY a car.  SERIOUSLY,
in the market.  I am thinking about a truck not because I WANT one, but
because there will be need for one.  And there is literally nothing else out
there that is of remotest interest to me, aside from that one elusive V8.
What a revoltin' development!

My wife has announced that she wants a Mini.  Fortunately the nearest Mini
dealer is more than 200 miles and two states away.  It is fortunate because
now I won't have to throw a hissy-fit and absolutely REFUSE to buy one of
the foolish things.

What I really should buy is an old Jetta diesel....

Roger

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