RE: Mechanics Glossary

[Peter Henriksen <peterhe@microsoft.com>]

BTW, the original list appeared in R&T in Peter Egan's column.
- peter henriksen, peterhe@microsoft.com, issaquah, wa
  91 200qw
  94 acura legend gs
  80 mazda 626

>----------
>From: 	raf40@oes.amdahl.com[SMTP:raf40@oes.amdahl.com]
>Sent: 	Monday, June 03, 1996 1:46 PM
>To: 	quattro@coimbra.ans.net
>Subject: 	Re: Mechanics Glossary
>
>This has made my day!  A lot of stuff very close to home, so to speak.
>
>>(Stolen, without permision, form another List.)
>>
>>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
>>as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from
>>the object
>>we are trying to hit.
>>
>>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
>>cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
>>containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
>>
>>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
>>holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar
>>mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that
>>goes to the rear axle.
>>
>>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>>
>>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>>principle.
>>It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and
>>the more
>>you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
>>
>>VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads.  If nothing else is
>>available, they
>>can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>>
>>OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage
>>cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What
>>wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can never remember to buy
>>lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.
>>
>>ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetelene torch.
>>
>>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from
>>the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
>>
>>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
>>bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
>>your beer across the room, splattering it against the Babe-filled, "SNAP-ON
>>Tools" Poster over the bench grinder.
>>
>>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
>>the workbench at the speed of light.  Also removes fingerprint whorls and
>>hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django
>>Reinhardt".
>>
>>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you
>>have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trappng
>>the jack
>>handle firmly under the front air dam.
>>
>>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
>>hydraulic jack.
>>
>>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>>
>>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another
>>hydraulic floor jack.
>>
>>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
>>spreading
>>mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>>
>>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
>>ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>>
>>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on
>>crankshaft pulleys.
>>
>>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
>>strength
>>of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to
>>disconnect.
>>
>>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that
>>inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
>>instead of a
>>handle.
>>
>>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from
>>a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your
>>battery
>>is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
>>
>>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>>
>>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth.  Sometimes called a drop
>>light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which
>>is not
>>otherwise found under cars at night.  Health benefits aside, its main
>>purpose
>>is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm
>>howitzer
>>shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the
>>Bulge.  More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>>
>>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
>>paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
>>as the
>>name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>>
>>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power
>>plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by
>>hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts
>>last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds
>>them off.
>>
>>
>>
>>--
>>-Mike
>>mikes@specnet.com
>>mks107@psuvm.psu.edu
>>87 5000CS TQ - Metropolitan Washington, D.C.
>>84 5000S - Boulder, Colorado
>>90 80 - Bethesda, Maryland
>>(hunting for the elusive Lago Blue '91 200Q)
>
>Richard Funnell,
>San Jose, California
>'83 urQ
>'87 560 SL
>
>
>