The guy test - no real content

["Linkov, Jon" <jlinkov@thynx.com>]

This came across my desk in the mail.  No idea who it is from, but worth   
the time it took to type.
Jon


ARE YOU A GUY?

Take this scientific quiz to determine your guyness quotient.

1)  Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the earth, and you   
are the first human they encounter.  As a token of intergalactic   
friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated   
device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite   
supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty and permanently   
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.  You   
decide to:

a.  present it to the President of the United States,
b.  Present it to the Secretary general of the United Nations,
c.  Take it apart.

2)  As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you   
miss the most?

a.  Innocence
b.  Idealism
c.  Cherry Bombs

3)  When is it o-kay to kiss another male?

a.  When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for   
narrow-minded social conventions.
b.  When he is the pope(not on the lips.)
c.  When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only   
really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you   
have to have him killed.

4)  What about hugging another male?

a.  If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
b.  If your performing the Heimlich maneuver. (and even in this case, you   
should repeatedly shout "I am just dislodging food trapped in this male's   
trachea!  I am not in any way aroused!")
c.  If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home   
run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
1)  He is legally within the basepath,
2)  Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
3)  You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause   
fractures.

5)  Complete this sentence:  A funeral is a good time to...
   

a.  ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b.  ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c.  ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and   
cancer.

6)  In you opinion, the perfect pet is:

a.  A cat.
b.  A dog.
c.  A dog that eats cats.

7)  You have been seeing a woman for several years.  She's attractive and   
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.  One leisurely Sunday   
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football   
game; she's reading the papers - when she suddenly, out of the clear blue   
sky, tells you that she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the   
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.  She says   
she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you   
believe that you have some kind of future together.  What do you say?

a.  That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you   
don't want to rush it.
b.  That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot   
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting   
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c.  That you can't believe the Jets called a draw play on third and   
seventeen.

8)  O-kay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want   
to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the   
sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and   
opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may.  How do you   
tell her?

a.  You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b.  You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and   
when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars   
in her eyes, you tell her.
c.  Tell her what?

9)  One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to   
get your three children ready for school.  Your first question to her is:

a.  "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b.  "They're in school already?"
c.  "There are three of them?"

10)  When is it o-kay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

a.  When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new hole   
so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended  for   
your legs.
b.  When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and   
has to be handled with tweezers.
c.  It is never o-kay to throw away veteran underwear.  A real guy checks   
the garbage regularly in case somebody - and we are not naming names, but   
this would be his wife - is quietly trying to discard his underwear,   
which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more   
intimate relationship with it than with her.

11)  What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the   
fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for 40 years before   
they finally got to the Promised Land?

a.  He was being tested.
b.  He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they   
finally got there.
c.  He refused to ask directions.

12)  What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

a.  Democracy.
b.  Religion
c.  Remote Control.

How to Score:  Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer   
"C".  A real guy would score at least 10 on this test.  In fact, a real   
guy would score at least 15, because he would get the special 5 point   
bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and   
cancer.