97 Audi light problem (humor)

[dmiller@iea.com (Doug Miller)]

After seeing all the posts on lights, I realize this is the time to get
opinions on issues involving lumens. I am having problems with the light
mounted in the ignition key that came with our 97 A6.  When I got it, the
light was pretty anemic and I'd hoped its presence would allow me to
discard that 5 D cell Mag light rolling around under the seat.  So I
upgraded it, and here's what I've done so far.

First off, I got rid of the crappy lense as it seemed to have a poor cutoff
and wasn't at all discriminatory in tossing out lumens.  I carefully glued
a chunk of optical quality glass over the hole after removing the pitiful
OEM lense.  Running outside gleefully, I aimed it at my neighbor's house
and pushed the little button. No luck. The feeble output didn't even reveal
the putrid tan paint he'd used on his siding last summer, though I saw the
reflection of my light in his window and it appeared directional control
was improved.

Next, I decided to improve the wiring. Opening it up, I realized this would
pay dividends as the wires were gossamer thin for the entire 1/2" distance
from the battery to the bulb. Disgraceful, Audi! Haven't they learned about
light wiring guage yet?

So I put little stubs of 12ga wire in there, carefully soldering them in
place. Then thought better of it, and went "whole hog", putting in a Hella
relay to reduce the voltage drop over the 1/2" harness length and using the
gossamer wires to throw the relay. Putting it together became a challenge,
and I ended up super glue-ing the relay onto the flat part of the key
opposite the button, using a heat gun to shrink wrap the exposed wiring
before it disappeared into the key innards.

Outside again, I stabbed the button hopefully with my eyes on my neighbor's
house. His kid is in the habit of warming up his 10 year old Celica for 10
minutes each morning and I have to hear the unattended whining engine, so I
didn't feel the least remorseful about waking them.  The relay gave a half
hearted click, and the light came on again, but very dimly. Ack!  What
gives here?  I ran inside and grabbed my Bosch Book to check the wiring.
Everything seemed fine, so I decided the relay was taking so much of the
battery power, there wasn't much left to power the light.  No problem.

I jumped in the spare car and took off for the all night store to get more
batteries, with my head out the side window and the key thrust out there to
get a feel for how I was doing for beam pattern.  Glare was not a problem,
so I figure the cutoff must have been improved dramatically.

Back home, I wired 140 watch batteries together into a wrist gauntlet, and
fashioned a simple quick connect and power cord for the key.  Just for good
measure, I also duct taped my biking headband into a "hands free" affair
(Frostbite threat on way to battery store).

Outside, I proudly squeezed the key and pressed it into the duct tape.
Viola! I could make out the neigbor's house and the offending Celica!  The
light even followed my gaze like one of those Apache helicopter helmet
mounted gunsights. Then the light brightened and went out.  Crap!  Too much
juice for the grain of wheat bulb.

On the workbench, I craftily used a glob of silicone to install a 130w H1,
and upgraded the power source to a deep cycle marine battery, complete with
a chest harness made of old seatbelts from my brother's Audi Fox to carry
the battery. Even got the buckle in the right place (heh).

Thumping out onto the front porch, I squeezed the key and was rewarded with
an intense beam. Finally!  I'd never be unable to find the keyhole at night
again - no more of those nasty door scratches! Even at 5600 feet!

Now, my question is this: Does anyone out there know what the Federal
standard is for keylight aiming, and could someone use a light meter to
compare their Euro key pattern to my revised one?.................

Doug Miller
(with too much time on my hands today waiting for a client's Fed-X to arrive)