car(nal) knowledge--a tale of passion

[Phil and Judy Rose <pjrose@servtech.com>]

Since I've become the S.O. (significant other) of an '89 100, there've been
only two problems in our relationship: her "quirky" AC and virtually dead
trip-computer.

I'd compare the AC symptoms to "seizures". Well you know--everything seems
OK. But then (Boom!) out of the blue the AC won't work for an hour or two.
Then OK again for weeks. I try to be patient. I don't yell. After all, AC
is *usually* there when I need it, and well nobody is perfect.
[BTW, a new multifunction thermoswitch doesn't seem to help :-(]

On the other hand, I've been anguished that the trip computer has been so
listless--approaching a deep coma state. During our 6 months together
(approx 4000 miles) the trip computer has been minimally responsive. [I
have intended to try some fuel-meter fiddling as recommended by another
lister, but have procrastinated.] Only the average speed function has
worked at all, but there's just nonsense from all the fuel-related
functions. The instantaneous MPG has been reciting a monotonous "5.0"-- day
in, day out. The other trip functions just produce an aimless,
incomprehensible gibberish.

Until this morning.

This tale actually began yesterday evening, when I noticed that ol' Bamboo
(I call her ol' Bamboo) had finally begun to show some serious surface
soiling. And there were also many globs of pine tar on her from sitting in
our driveway during a recent spell of hot weather. I had taken her through
an automatic (gasp!) car wash a couple of times over the months, but I'm
sorely embarrassed to confess that I had never done a personal, hands-on
wash. An "unconsumated" relationship, I was thinking, and high time I show
my true depth of feelings. ;-)

Well, I spent about an hour laboriously removing the pine tar. Then, this
morning, I carried out a bucket of water, detergent, and my favorite car
sponge, and I began the ritual of warm, sudsy caressing. After all
reachable areas of the sinuous body were lovingly stroked (hopefully
including most, if not all, errogenous zones), I rinsed thoroughly, and I
dried her carefully with a fine English chamois. If either of us smoked,
perhaps we would have lit up ciga...well never mind.

I started the engine in order to park ol' Bamboo to the side of the
driveway and, and...the trip computer at once sprang to life--with
apparently complete functionality! Later on, when the wife and I decided to
get a take-out meal at a nearby Chinese restaurant, I insisted on driving
Ol' Bamboo in order to verify the  miraculous recovery of brain function.
Well, the round trip was only 2.5 miles, but--by Audi gods--the trip
computer continued to show normal vital signs ;-)

Only time will tell if this response turns into a longterm behavior. Is
anything in life really longterm (particularly with Audis)? But anyway, my
relationship with Ol' Bamboo appears to have reached a new level. And my
wife is beginning to give me very strange looks...

Phil

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         *  Phil & Judy Rose     E-mail:              *
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