New Americans and New Russians

[Igor Kessel <e6941tb@ix.netcom.com>]

Hello, fellow listers!

I have been away for the weekend, doing a presentation on converting the Audi
cooling sys to Zero-Pressure racing coolant at the Mid-Atlantic Quattro Club (and
where got elected to the Club's VP, ta-da! thank you very much). Upon my return, I
logged on to retrieve some 108 messages from the list, and, lo and behold, in the
very first one someone named Natalia Dubrovskaya wrote:

> What can I say? Anyone has to be ashamed for his own fellow compatriots
> (even "former compatriots") once in a time.
> I am ashamed now for Igor Kessel who was lucky enough to get "formal"<...>

<A colourful, albeit rather grim portrait of a vicious villain, formerly known as
*Igor Kessel* follows>

The whole epistolary masterpiece by M-m Dubrovskaya has revealed a number of
blood-chilling details about my personality, origin and values. She has only
forgotten to mention that I also killed my own parents and burned the church, in
which I was baptised. Or that I take a morning shower in Stoli Kristall (hey, I am
Russian after all. Since M-m Dubrovskaya draws my portrait based strictly on
stereotypes and her own wild imagination, we can do the same thing, can't we...;^)

Now that my genuine inside has been exposed by the mind's eye of M-m Dubrovskaya
(whom I had no pleasure meeting in any incarnation of my shallow and miserable
life), I can't help but wonder if my fellow listers, who got to know me through my
duly responses to the numerous *Help!* posts or who had an occasion to meet me in
person, would now turn their faces away from me in a sheer disgust and despise.

Although pages of my biography, so colourfully painted by M-m Dubrovskaya, provide
quite an amusing reading, 99% of them have nothing to do with the truth. As they
would say in the Old Country, M-m Dubrovskaya *has hit the sky with her finger* (I
trust she understands me well). Alas, M-m Dubrovskaya is barking here at a wrong
tree, let alone her obvious lack of politeness. When a person has to resort to
labelling of his/her opponent with the insulting adjectives, most of the time it
is a sure sign of insecurity and, generally speaking, of a very poor upbringing of
the said person.

*If you are angry, Jupiter, It means that you are wrong.*

On a sad note, evidently my innocent joke has caused quite an insult to Mr.Isupov. I 
deeply regret that my post was understood in such a way. My father wrights his e-mail to 
me using the same exact awkward Russian-English and as so does my son. Yes, neither of 
them know English too well. No, the lack of former education in English does not make 
either of them them inferior persons, no matter how bad M-m Dubrovskaya wants to distort 
my words. 
Having said that, I would try to communicate with Mr. Isupov directly and offer him an 
apology. No matter how different our personalities and senses of humour 
are,in_no_instance_whatsoever did I want to humiliate him, trying to score a cheap laugh 
at his expense. I am probably guilty of having acquired too much of the American 
*take-it-easy* sense of humour (BTW, Americans, as a nation, never seize to amaze me 
with their readiness to be the first ones to laugh at themselves. This readiness to 
laugh at themselves is a sign of security, and a very appealing part of the American 
national character, IMHO).
Alas, I have forgotten how always serious my former countrymen were. I have also
forgotten how often do they elentary lack tact.

My job duties, among others, include representing my Co (from the Engineering) and
running the Co booth at various trade shows (National Design Engineering Show,
Electronics Show, Sensors Show etc.). There is always a number of Russian
reps/Co's present. Inevitably some of them would stop by our Co booth and I (or
one of my colleagues) would answer their questions about our product line. Usually
all goes nice and dandy as we chat away and smile to each other. I've been told
that I have a fairly light and uncertain European accent; my fellow compatriots
seldom recognise that I was not born in the US up until the very end, when I would
say something like: *Do svidan'ya. Bol'shoe spasibo!*. That is when a miraculous
metamorphosis occurs. Their smiles disappear; they pull their heads into their
shoulders and their eyes suddenly become cold and stern. I would want to cry out
loud from the top of my lungs: *hey, that's the same old me, with whom just a
minute ago you took such a pleasure discussing the ways to use my positional
sensors in your marine equipment. What in hell has changed?* But this desire gets
shattered over the word *traitor!* written in their eyes. They would flame me with
a good old communist hatred. Mixed with envy, I must add.:)
I saw the American Swedes warmly greeting the Swedish Swedes (the Chief of the
Motor Division of SAAB AB once stopped by our booth. He wanted to use my *Roll
Insensitive Inclinometer* in balancing the cam shafts, for which I have a patent
pending). Our Hungarian Chief Mechanical Engineer virtually melts down when he
sees a fellow Hungarian. The Germans in my Co absolutely enjoy meeting the Germans
from the Old Country. Only my fellow countrymen can't stand the guts of those who
left the hypocritical (with the capital H) Country of a *Winning Socialism*
("jumped from the scoop" in a vulgar Soviet era lingo of M-m Dubrovskaya). They
even have invented a nickname for people like me: *The Former*.

Also, once in a while fellow Q-heads from Russia (or from one of the republics, which 
the former USSR was comprised of) surface on the list. I used to greet them off-list, in 
Russian,with all my heart, offering help and advice. In_no_instance_ever (!) did any of 
them respond as if I were contagious. 
OTOH, I have developed great friendship with most Russian-Americans here on the 
List, with whom we constantly exchange direct mail in both languages. As well as with a 
number of fellow listers from the US as well as from other countries, most of whom 
sight-unseen. 
This dissonance makes me go: Hmmm….. There is something about fellow Russians, who 
live back in the Metropolis, which makes them very different from the Russians here in 
the Colonies.

Sorry that this ethnic quarrel has made itself public, listers. Although I was not the 
one who started it, I felt compelled to say a few words on my own behalf. The list
camaraderie and my established reputation with it mean too much to me to let some
passer-by stranger smear me with dirt. I will conduct all further communications
with the parties involved off the list. Sorry for my (admittedly forced) waste of
bandwidth. This is my last and only post to the list on this subject.

Sincerely,

Igor Kessel,
A *New Russian-American*
Philadelphia, PA
USA