revenge of the mice

[Mike Arman <armanmik@n-jcenter.com>]

I note with more than a little apprehension that yet another list-member's
car has been invaded by mice. This obviously smacks of collusion,
conspiracy and yet another demonstration of the well-known nefarious forces
(tm) arrayed against us, financed by the CIA, the KGB, and probably the
Pope. (Nothing whatosever against the Pope - just figured he deserved equal
time, having seen NO references whatsoever to him in 1.5 years of reading
the digest . . . ) Or maybe UFOs - not the brakes.

This could even be the infamous "Mouse" virus, known to be spread by E-mail.

Update on my car's mouse invasion: Inconclusive.

Called three local pest control companies, and consensus was to get some
old-time, low-tech spring loaded mousetraps ($1.29 for two at local
hardware store, YMMV) and bait them with a LITTLE peanut butter.

Other suggestions ranged from the short-term offer of a well-known to us
lister's "fat cat" who, in the words of the owner "is too fat to care", to
the somewhat higher tech-suggestion of buying one of those ultrasonic pest
repellers which are agressively hawked on the much-too-late-show "Just
$39.95, operators are standing by, have your credit card ready" and leaving
the doors open after plugging it in. An ex-business acquaintance who
despises Audis suggested a flame thrower, but after I said I'd be happy to
but expected to test it on him first, rescinded the offer (lucky for him -
I get positively cranky about my car, just like I do about those equally
dangerous T-bone steaks and handguns!).

I went with the mousetraps.

After two weeks of driving around and hearing the occasional SNAP! when one
fired after hitting a bump, results were totally inconclusive. The alleged
mouse is no longer in evidence, no debris, nothing new destroyed, no smell,
no small, furry body crushed in the cruel, steel jaws of the politically
incorrect, totally inhumane extermination device (Sh*t! I wanted the furry
little b*stard DEAD, and I want the corpse to prove it!).

I wish I could tell you "Do this. It absolutely works every time, and takes
30 seconds to do so" but I can't. I tried the mousetraps, caught nothing,
but the mouse seems to be gone. Cause and effect? Coincidence? (Definitely
conspiracy!)

Yours in Paranoia,

Mike Arman

(Maybe I should cut down on the Diet Coke? Or switch to decaf?)