Advice for Christian... long-term Audi content.

["Janet Scruggs" <scruggs@mbay.net>]

Christian, I'm about 50 digests behind and if you've been overly pilloried
and/or congratulated on your pending nuptials, then my apologies for the
redundancy.  There is a secret to having a long marriage.. notice I didn't
say "long and happy" marriage, as these are womanspeak terms that have
little meaning in maledom.  You see.... well, nevermind.... you wouldn't
believe it but... just... nevermind.  

There are two, and just two, secret words that you have to know to put the
woman in her place, thereby ensuring a long and "most possible happiest"
mirage... I mean, marriage.  These words are "yes" and "dear."  But...
listen now... there must be some kind of genetic linkage passed through the
ages through that distaff chromosome that allows a woman to respond with
smiles and kind words when you utter this incantation.  I have found, in my
near 28 years of indentured servitu.... I mean marr-age... I mean
_marriage_, that when these words are said one quickly after the other a
most soothing result is usually affected in the woman.  These words can be
used as a salve, a preface, an apology and can be said running toward or
away... particularly over the shoulder while hurrying outside with the
trash... but I digress.  

These words are truly magic... they put "she who must be obeyed," (thank
you Rumpole) in her place, and what's more... she knows it!  So, there, my
boy... you have my secret for survival.  And, as in lubrication, rare is
the case when too much is enough.  No need to thank me, I enjoy sharing.

And now for the Audi content.  The other day I found this perfect pearl '91
200Q with 40kmi for $1500, a divorce sale I'm afraid, (poor fellow forgot
the words apparently) and thought I'd pass it on to you, as a present.  So,
just call..... what's that dearest?... the trash?.... now?... well, I've
just got a few more... yes, dear.... yes, dear... I'll be _right_ there. 
Well, Imusthurrynow,yousee... for it is necessary that I have the last
word... this works _every_ time...  COMING DEAR... YesDear!

Again, congratulations to you and to the lovely lady to whom you are now
affianced.

You'll excuse me now, won't you.... and regards,  Gross Scruggs