Help! Audi gods are angry

[Jeff McMeekin - WWFO Training <jeffm@fatcity.Corp.Sun.COM>]

My wife sums up the problem- Too much technology.

I have a 93 S4.  The lock/alarm system is in a mode that I have
never seen before.  In a nutshell, the locks are out of sync
with whatever the brains of the car think they should be.
When I press the button on the key to change the state of
the lock
	locks down (i.e. 'locked'),  interior lights come on.
	
	locks up, interior lights off, but when I open the
	door, the alarm goes off.
	
Are you seeing a certain catch 22 here?  If I lock the car,
I can't get into it.  But if unlock the car, then when I open
the door, the alarm goes off.  

The manual hints at certain mysteries in the system
and talks about the keys being unsynchronized with the
system, but it's the locks themselves that are unsync'ed.

If the doors are locked and I try to unlock with the key,
the lock unlocks then tries to lock again.  This is so
bizarre.

Some combination of locking and unlocking and opening the door
very quickly will allow me entry to the car and the ability
to start it.  But only after screwing around a bit and
having the alarm system go off a number of times.

It's Friday night.  I don't want a weekend of this plus
a trip to the dealer.  I have to believe someone somewhere
has encountered this before.

Anyway, being gullible, I decided to follow the procedure
to resync the keys (you know, put one key in the ignition,
lock car with other key, click it the number of times to
correspond to the key number and that's that).  Well
that 'worked' *except* since the locks are out of sync,
I had to unlock the car, then program, then lock and
well, I might as well have changed the oil for all it
did to improve the situation.