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RE: Equal Opportunity Discrimination (Sorry: long & no Audi content )
I think the "Red-Green" show is a great reason for being Canadian, eh?
dB
> -----Original Message-----
> From: quinn@hns.com [SMTP:quinn@hns.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, October 21, 1998 12:14 PM
> To: quattro@coimbra.ans.net
> Subject: Equal Opportunity Discrimination (Sorry: long & no Audi
> content )
>
> OK, I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but it seemed
> appropriate given recent threads (and anyway, I thought it
> funny!)
>
> -Mark Quinn
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
> -----------------------------------
> 1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
> 2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
> 3. You can call Budweiser beer.
> 4. You can be a crook and still be president.
> 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do
> anything.
> 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
> 7. You get to be really obese.
> 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and
> nobody seems to care.
> 9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
> 10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
> 10a. When you're not.
> 10b. At all.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
> -----------------------------------
> 1. It beats being an American (just).
> 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
> capital to the ground.
> 3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
> 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
> capital to the ground.
> 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a
> canoe?
> 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
> popularity ratings will rise.
> 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
> capital to the ground.
> 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover
> your house in their skins.
> 9. Own-an-eskimo scheme.
> 10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
> capital to the ground.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
> ----------------------------------
> 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
> 2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
> 3. No need to worry about tax returns.
> 4. Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
> 5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
> 6. Political stability.
> 7. Flexible working hours.
> 8. Live near the Pope.
> 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
> 10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
> ----------------------------------
> 1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
> 2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
> 3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
> 4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
> 5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real
> thing.
> 6. Honesty.
> 7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid,
> tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
> 8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
> 9. Gibraltar.
> 10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :
> ---------------------------------
> 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
> 2. Experienced the joy of winning the world cup for the first
> time after drugging the opposition.
> 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
> 4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
> 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films
> on Cable.
> 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's
> countries.
> 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
> 8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
> humiliating your sense of national pride.
> 9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just crap in the
> street.
> 10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
> ---------------------------------
> 1.
> 2.
> 3.
> 4.
> 5.
> 6.
> 7.
> 8.
> 9.
> 10.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
> ----------------------------------
> 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah, doo-dah.
> 2. Warm beer.
> 3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
> 4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting
> events.
> 5. Union jack underpants.
> 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
> 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world
> power.
> 8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
> 9. Ditto changing underwear.
> 10. Beats being Welsh.
> 10a. Or Scottish.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
> --------------------------------
> 1. Guinness.
> 2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
> 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's
> road.
> 4. Pubs never close.
> 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second
> Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you
> can't have sex with a condom on.
> 6. No one can ever remember the night before.
> 7. Kill people you don't agree with.
> 8. Stew.
> 9. More Guinness.
> 10. Eating stew and drinking guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in
> the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
> -------------------------------
> 1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN :
> ---------------------------------
> 1. Chicken Madras.
> 2. Lamb Passanda.
> 3. Onion Bhaji.
> 4. Bombay Potatoe.
> 5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
> 6. Rogan Josh.
> 7. Popadoms.
> 8. Chicken Dopiaza.
> 9. Meat Boona.
> 10. Kingfisher lager.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
> ------------------------------------
> 1. Know your great-grand-dad was murdering scum that no
> civilised nation on earth wanted.
> 2. Fosters Lager (Aussies read VB).
> 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for
> 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
> 4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
> 5. Tact and sensitivity.
> 6. Bondi Beach.
> 7. Other beaches.
> 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
> 9. Being the world champs at Aussie Rules football
> 10. Very well mannered and cultured
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SOUTH AFRICAN:
> ---------------------------------------
> 1. Being able to win the world cup rugby the first time you
> enter the competition.
> 2. Get to eat raw dried meat and call it a treat.
> 3. Stable and politically safe economy.
> 4. Thinking that Gays only live outside the country.
> 5. Having a flag which looks more like Joseph's Technicolor
> dream coat
> 6. Having 11 official languages and only being able to speak
> one
> 7. Having an ex convict as your president.
> 8. Having one of the most honest postal services in the world.
> 9. Being able to charge tourists to visit areas of unrest
> 10. You can drive drunk
>
>
>