Speed crazed Audi owner

[Mike Arman]

Now here's the deal, guys - what we REALLY need is our good old 5 cyl Audi
engine with about five liters (300 cu in) displacement. Let's stop this
fooling around with little engines all tricked up to make horsepower.

OK, how do we get there? Obviously, new block, head, crank, cam. The new
block is going to be a tad longer than the 2.3 liter block simply because
the five holes are a LOT bigger. We can still make it fit into the car by
moving the water pump and/or some other stuff on the front of the engine.
Pistons and rods can be off the shelf from someone else (60 inches per jug,
so that means if it were a V-8, it would be 480 cubic inches total, and
Cadillac made a 472 inch engine, so there are the pistons and rods). We
need bigger valves, some serious changes to the fuel injection in the
capacity department, and to the rest of the fuel system as well. Sayonara
to the Bosch fuel pump. Tubular headers, too, and larger exhaust needed.
Nothing high tech at all, just displacement.

Now that we have 300+ or so reliable non-turbo horsepower in our type 44s
(Oh Yeah!!!), we need some changes to the rest of the car. Bigger radiator.
BIRA brakes. Stronger clutch. No three-speed slushboxes need apply, thank
you. Tranquilizers for the passengers. Something to wipe the insane grin
off the driver's face. Definitely Eurolights, because this missile will be
dangerous in the dark.

Note that there is NOTHING here the factory couldn't do, and without
spending a huge amount of money! Think about the development and production
costs for all these weird V-12, W-18 etc. engines. Think about what it is
going to cost to service and maintain them. Think about what it will do to
resale values when these are out of warranty, and us guys on the Audi list
start buying them - and discovering that a tuneup is gonna cost $6,000, and
you need another $6,000 in special tools to do it (Hint - think VAG 1551,
for starters!) And after all that, just how much horsepower do these
insanely complex engines make, anyway? 400 HP? Add a blower to my five
liter I-5, instant 400 HP. Oh, but the V-12 makes 500 HP (right), OK, turn
up the boost and chip it! Wham, 500 HP, and for a heck of a lot less money
than the V-12 - in design costs, in manufacturing costs, in service costs,
any way you cut it.

There are two reasons the European engine designers build small engines and
do tricks to them to get respectable horsepower. First is in Euroland,
engines are taxed on displacement. Second, fuel costs more (often much
more) there.

I submit they have it wrong. If it costs $5,000 in first costs and $1,000 a
year in maintenance so you can build a small displacement engine just to
avoid paying a $1,000 tax ONE TIME, is it worth it? Second, if you have a
heavy foot, the little engine is going to use almost as much fuel as the
big one to produce comparable horsepower, so where are your savings there?
Yes, I know much of the time we drive around at part throttle (who me?),
but saving 2 MPG or even 5 mpg in 100,000 miles of driving won't offset the
higher maintenance costs of the small, complicated engine working harder.
What's the TCO - total cost of ownership? Focusing on avoiding a
displacement tax or using somewhat less fuel by trading for complex,
expensive, and hard to maintain engines strikes me as going too far in the
wrong direction. (What's the Honda gas+electric car? 70 MPG, but $35,000 to
get there?)

There's NO reason Audi couldn't do this - they already send different
engine/transmission packages to different countries. Why couldn't the type
44 come with a five liter I-5 for the USA, and let them keep their little,
complex watchwinders in Europe! Yeah, I know they don't make the type 44
any more, but how about the A-8? What's wrong with a 400+ HP I-5 in *that*
for the USA market?

Since the Chinese ARE currently making the type 44, maybe I should go talk
to them!

Going back in my cave now . . .

Best Regards,

Mike Arman