Why I drive an Audi

[Jenny Curtis]

I drive an Audi because I wanted a car that I could afford to buy
outright without having to pay interest to THE MAN.  I wanted this car
to still have some class, some cojones and a four-wheel drive that
would not turn into a complete rusty heap just as I was beginning to
bond with it.

What I got was so much better than I had hoped for when I plunked down
the savings from the book I had to write about Bob Hope (THE MAN) to
be able to afford to buy a car.

More than class I have heated seats.  My friends who are paying
interest to the man don't have heated seats.  I enjoy toasting their
buns and blasting them with a teutonically efficient heater core on
the way back from the German restaurant where we steal leftovers from
people who are too drunk on Ziggy, Ziggy Boots of Oi, Oi, Oi to care.
(That part has nothing to with my car, but just a good memory I
associate with it).

More than Cojones I have GRRRRRL power.  The Princess is suprisingly
quick nimble, and best described by the yachting term "yar." She is
not muscular like a Camaro or Cormac McCarthy's prose.  If my car were
a writer she would definitely be Brenda Ueland.  Both are unsung,
practical, possessing subtle genius, long-lived and a total babe in my
eyes even though they're old and have some all too visible scars.  My
car is just right somehow.  In the words of Click and Clack (in a
cheesy German accent) "four cylinders is not enough and six is too
many."

More than reliable four-wheel drive, I have a an all wheel GO! car
that is theoretically bullet proof.  It has 300,000 miles with no sign
of wear in the drive train.  But as I frequently sign over large sums
of cash to my mechanics, I am reminded of a late-night History channel
documentary on the German Panzer tanks.  They were theoretically
superior to their rivals in every way, yet they collapsed due to
over-engineering.  They were too precious as a small malfunction could
stall the whole machine, needed constant maintenance and parts which
were difficult obtain in the field.  (Sound familiar? For want of a
$2.00 washer a $300 rear-differential was lost!) Their Russian
counterparts were slow, ugly and technologically out-moded yet they
perservered in the worst conditions and could be fixed quickly with a
lot of interchangable parts.  So I have a car that is flawed but as
they say, "those who ignore the lessons of the late-night History
Channel are doomed to watch them in endless repeats."

Or something like that.

Jenny
86'4kQ:The Eurotrash Princess