something i found... pretty funny (IMO)

[Richard J. Andrews]

  Oil Change Procedure for Women:

  1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
  reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

  2) Drink a cup of coffee.

  3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave
  with a properly maintained vehicle.

  Money spent: $20.00 for oil change
  $1.00 for coffee
  ____________________
  Total = $21.00


  Oil Change Procedure for Men:

  1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50.00
  for oil, a filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.

  2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
  it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dig a hole in the back yard and
  dump the used oil in it.

  3) Open a beer and drink it.

  4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.

  5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

  6) Open another beer and drink it.

  7) Place drain pan under engine.

  8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

  9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

  10) Unscrew drain plug.

  11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, splashing hot oil on self.

  12) Clean up mess.

  13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

  14) Look for oil filter wrench.

  15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

  16) Another beer.

  17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
  Decide to finish oil change tomorrow.

  18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

  19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

  20) Need a beer. Out of luck...drank it all yesterday.

  21) Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.

  22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
  of oil to gasket surface.

  23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

  24) Remember that drain plug is still missing.( Refer to step 11.)

  25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

  26) Discover that the used oil from yesterday is buried in a hole in the
  back yard, along with drain plug.

  27) Drink a beer.

  28) Uncover hole and sift dirt for drain plug.

  29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now all over the driveway.

  30) Drink a beer.

  31) Slip with wrench while tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
  car's frame.

  32) Bang head on bumper in reaction to step 31.

  33) Begin four-letter tirade.

  34) Throw wrench.

  35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992)
  in the left boob
  and ripped the picture.

  35) Another beer.

  36) Clean up hands and forehead and apply bandage as required to stop
  blood flow.

  37) Beer.

  38) More beer.

  39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

  40) Beer.

  41) Lower car from jack stands.

  42) Move car back to apply more kitty litter
  to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

  43) Beer.

  44) Test drive car.

  45) Get pulled over by cop; arrested for driving
  under the influence.

  46) Car gets impounded.

  47) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

  Money spent:
  $ 50.00 parts
  $ 25.00 beer
  $ 1,000.00 Bail
  $ 200.00 Impound and towing fee
  __________________
  Total = $ 1,275.00>>