wheels are off

[Dan DiBiase]

----- Original Message ----
From: Kent McLean <kentmclean at comcast.net>
To: quattro <quattro at audifans.com>
Sent: Saturday, August 30, 2008 4:37:43 PM
Subject: wheels are off

About a month ago I decided to put the old 16-inch wheels from my A4
on the '91 200.  The fronts went on, barely clearing the UFO rotors.
I figured I was home free.

The rear wheels... I could not remove.  They were frozen onto the
hubs. Once or twice a week for the past month I'd spray the joint
with PB Blaster.  Kick, kick, kick. Raise the rear up on the jack,
drop it on the wheel.  Today, I finally heard a bit of hollow echo
while kicking.  More PB Blaster, more kicking, up on the jack,
drop it (with no lugs), and FINALLY I got one side free.  Yes!
The other side succumbed a little easier.

"Let the tool do the work."

So my '91 200 now has A4 wheels.

------------------------------------------------------
This reminds me of the time a few years ago when I had to change a tire on my A4. The experience caused me to
write a few words about it....


1) Create need to change tire buy running over some metal shit in the road
on the way to the doctor's.

2) Look at tire, determine that chunk of rubber gouged out in sidewall
indeed indicates a tire change.

3) Go to doctor's appointment. Get a finger up your butt. Try not to admit
that it felt kind of okay.

4) Remove all implements from trunk - spare tire (full size, weighs about
30 pounds and must be lifted up from housing using ONLY your lower back
muscles).

5) Stretch lower back and think about going back to doctor's office and
having him look at your back. But then you remember he only works lower
down and bag it. And you didn't REALLY enjoy it. Only a little...

6) Read instructions. None of the pictures match the wheels actually
installed on the car.

7) Remove decorative lug nut covers with special tool included in tool
kit.

8) Use screwdriver in tool kit to remove decorative lug nut covers as the
special tool isn't in there. Scratch rims while bending plastic decorative
lug nut covers and making them useless for the future. Swear a bit. And
sweat. Loosen lug nuts.

9) Jack up car using stupid scissors jack. Get grease on hands and shirt.

10) Remove lug nuts. Find out that 'nuts' are actually 'bolts'.

11) Swear (and sweat) some more when tire will not come off hub. Thinking
that maybe something else is holding it on, use screwdriver to remove
center cap and render it also useless for future use. Nothing else under
there.

11) Kick tire around perimeter to try and loosen it. Watch while car sways
on stupid jack. Lower car until tire is just touching the ground, kick it
some more. Doesn't help but feels good until my toe starts hurting. Think
about going back into doctor's office. (No, really, I DIDN'T enjoy it...)

12) When wheel comes off unexpectedly, make sure your foot is directly
underneath it so you prevent the 30 pound tire from being damaged by
hitting the ground. Swear (and sweat) some more. Hmmm, back to the
doctor's office? (Umm, no, not even a little bit...)

13) Balance tire with one hand while trying to line up lug bolt into a
hole you cannot see. Bolt goes in crooked and won't come out.

14) Repeat step 13 using a second and third bolt.

15) Get the fourth bolt to go in so you can now stop balancing the 30
pound wheel on the toes you earlier injured (see steps 11 and 12 above).

16) Restart the other bolts, which now slide in like they are greased.

17) Lower car, tighten lug bolts, throw all the crap haphazardly into the
trunk. Listen to jack rattle against some shit all the way home. 

18) Be sure you clean off all of the dirt and grease from the steering
wheel and shift knob - and remember to put the gloves (that you took out
this past friggin' week-end to do some shit around the yard) back in the
trunk.

And under no circumstances should you call AAA for assistance. This is the
same as stopping to ask for directions when you're not-really lost.

Dan D
'04 A4 1.8Tq MT-6
Central NJ USA