wheels are off

[Tony Hoffman]

Dan,

I'm still laughing my ass off over this one!! I thought you were going
to start by saying "run over something routinely, so they never get
stuck on there".

As for lining the wheel up, I bought an aluminum tool off ebay for
about $12, trust me, it's priceless. I also put a 24" breaker bar with
socket and extension in the trunk of every one of my (many) cars. It's
another $25 that's really priceless.

Tony

On Sat, Aug 30, 2008 at 8:20 PM, Dan DiBiase <d_dibiase at yahoo.com> wrote:
> ----- Original Message ----
This reminds me of the time a few years ago when I had to change a
tire on my A4. The experience caused me to
> write a few words about it....
>
>
> 1) Create need to change tire buy running over some metal shit in the road
> on the way to the doctor's.
>
> 2) Look at tire, determine that chunk of rubber gouged out in sidewall
> indeed indicates a tire change.
>
> 3) Go to doctor's appointment. Get a finger up your butt. Try not to admit
> that it felt kind of okay.
>
> 4) Remove all implements from trunk - spare tire (full size, weighs about
> 30 pounds and must be lifted up from housing using ONLY your lower back
> muscles).
>
> 5) Stretch lower back and think about going back to doctor's office and
> having him look at your back. But then you remember he only works lower
> down and bag it. And you didn't REALLY enjoy it. Only a little...
>
> 6) Read instructions. None of the pictures match the wheels actually
> installed on the car.
>
> 7) Remove decorative lug nut covers with special tool included in tool
> kit.
>
> 8) Use screwdriver in tool kit to remove decorative lug nut covers as the
> special tool isn't in there. Scratch rims while bending plastic decorative
> lug nut covers and making them useless for the future. Swear a bit. And
> sweat. Loosen lug nuts.
>
> 9) Jack up car using stupid scissors jack. Get grease on hands and shirt.
>
> 10) Remove lug nuts. Find out that 'nuts' are actually 'bolts'.
>
> 11) Swear (and sweat) some more when tire will not come off hub. Thinking
> that maybe something else is holding it on, use screwdriver to remove
> center cap and render it also useless for future use. Nothing else under
> there.
>
> 11) Kick tire around perimeter to try and loosen it. Watch while car sways
> on stupid jack. Lower car until tire is just touching the ground, kick it
> some more. Doesn't help but feels good until my toe starts hurting. Think
> about going back into doctor's office. (No, really, I DIDN'T enjoy it...)
>
> 12) When wheel comes off unexpectedly, make sure your foot is directly
> underneath it so you prevent the 30 pound tire from being damaged by
> hitting the ground. Swear (and sweat) some more. Hmmm, back to the
> doctor's office? (Umm, no, not even a little bit...)
>
> 13) Balance tire with one hand while trying to line up lug bolt into a
> hole you cannot see. Bolt goes in crooked and won't come out.
>
> 14) Repeat step 13 using a second and third bolt.
>
> 15) Get the fourth bolt to go in so you can now stop balancing the 30
> pound wheel on the toes you earlier injured (see steps 11 and 12 above).
>
> 16) Restart the other bolts, which now slide in like they are greased.
>
> 17) Lower car, tighten lug bolts, throw all the crap haphazardly into the
> trunk. Listen to jack rattle against some shit all the way home.
>
> 18) Be sure you clean off all of the dirt and grease from the steering
> wheel and shift knob - and remember to put the gloves (that you took out
> this past friggin' week-end to do some shit around the yard) back in the
> trunk.
>
> And under no circumstances should you call AAA for assistance. This is the
> same as stopping to ask for directions when you're not-really lost.
>
> Dan D
> '04 A4 1.8Tq MT-6
> Central NJ USA
>