[s-cars] Pizzo...

[Raymond H. Tomlinson]

Al this talk about bigger this, faster that, and Pizzo, had me thinking
about my dog.

Aspen (named after my first car, a smooth '77 Dodge Aspen, 222
straight-6, powder blue with matching paisley/vinyl seats, 8-track, and
snowfire snowtires at all four corners, year round), much like said
first car, is not fast.  But, she is agile and smart (also not like my
first car).

Since I do not have any children (that I know of), I can brag about
Aspen.  Step off if you think you can rain on my parade.  My S6 has
custom, fleece-lined seat covers so that my baby can ride in style.
Your's don't.  And, she looks damn good too.

To make a short story long, Aspen, who is not a small dog, had a run in
with a pair of fast dogs.  You see, she was at the park one day, playing
lacrosse and frisbee (admit it, your dog sleeps on your couch and
farts), when a pair of retired X-brand racing dogs came to run.  Their
owner, an astute gentlemen of apparently fine taste, was quick to point
out that his X-brand dogs were faster than Aspen.

At this point I will tell you that Aspen is a German Shepherd, female, 6
years old, 90lbs.

Because I am rather mild mannered, often keep to myself, not one to
offer my opinion and generally maintain a normal level of smacktitude, I
simply agreed.

However, I have been trained to disect every word that falls out of
one's stupid piehole in hopes of inevitably using it against them.
Thus, I simply offered that while this gent's dogs may be fast, it is
only because their brains are crammed in tiny skulls and enjoy chasing
plastic rabbits.  I submit that I may be biased in favor of Aspen.

I further submit that as his dogs run barrel-assing around the perimeter
of the fenced-in park, Aspen attempted to follow suit.  She quickly
realized that she was no match for their speed, but his dogs failed to
realize that their intelligence was no match for Aspen.  Honestly, how
could they?  Their brains are crammed in their tiny skulls.

As the dogs tired, Aspen moved to the center of the park, crouched down,
and anticipated their next move.  I submit this was not THAT difficult,
as they are trained to run in circles.  Slowly, Aspen turned, following
their dedicated paths, and then BHAM!  She lept out of her prone
position, sweeping across the park, slightly behind the tiring gazelles.
 Without a flinch, she took down one dog, then summarily tackled the
next.  Then, like any Alpha female, she humped their faces.

The moral of the story?  Be weary of Pizzo.  He may not have the fastest
car, nor the greatest of luck.  But, when you least expect it, he may
hump your face.

And to quote the Gods (Zeppelin, of course),

"You're time's gonna come".


:`)