[s-cars] new @ Hurtz

[Brian Powell]

Aaaah, Paulie. A classic. I didn't understand a single sentence in
this write-up but I was still LMAO.

So, this talk got me inspired to check into what rental options I had
whence I head to Portland to give a talk in a couple of weeks: the
Prestige collection in Portland has such offerings as the Lincoln
Zephyr. They do have an A4, but what's the point? Sadly, I'll just
stick with whatever Ford 500 they hand me...

Cheers,
Brian


> JNR excerpts / Sgt. Schultz seyz:
>
> - Volvo S80 is muchmuchmuch more capable a cavitating holeshot (wheels a
> go front wards / car a goes back wards) contender than you might think
> and gladly absorbs NYC's finest potholes under full heavy braking /
> powerslide withonly a hint of wheelbearingnoise found the next a.m..
> BTW, 5mph rolling into Park evokes valet's into exclamating "you all are
> trying to break that there car now aren't you" - why yes - yes - yes, we
> are.  Warning!!!: - pirouetting through random water masses with windows
> a down willst render you weteth.  Beware!!!:  - beachsanddunes will
> catch you air.  Repeatedly.
>
> - Most sadly, S80 round deux didn't fare as well - CV click aside, 6k
> rpms and 3 mph trying to ascend a 0.00001% grade can be problematic
> whilst trying to escape from Brooklyn  - thankgooooodness for
> Crooklynite window smashy to give reason for midday exchange - NOTE -
> Hurtz's finest near almost HELPED me transfer large quantities of cones
> from said trunk to said replacement.  Huh.
>
> - Lincoln LS V8 can be lulled into secret misfire mode when run @ the
> limiter too long (not neaaaaaaarly as long as say the Mazda 6 4 banger -
> read - entire length of I70 along the Gulf Coast from  Alabammy to New
> Orleans in 3rd gear @ limiter - why - because), but the LS proved to
> otherwise be *quite* the brakestanding cavitating holeshotting cone
> sometimesdodging sometimes not surprisingly entertaining contender it
> did (reference picture)
>
>  <<DSC03568.JPG>>
> - Jag XJ8s should be broken in more slightly more than say 250 miles on
> odo before rental they should - purple smoke isn't normal you say???
> And Hurtz really should consider shaving them $$$$ Michelin's down to
> prevent turning them into something that looked rather chunky and
> cheesegrated they should.  11:1 compression and a slight dampness to the
> road willllllllll produce Guinness Book material for Comic Book Guy's
> _longest_holeshot_ever_ award.  Would still be spinning had I not lifted
> I fear, 2 years later.  Electrohydraulic ebrakes are Bizarro JNR
> material - and - near worrisomely - can appear to remain engaged despite
> one's best efforts.
>
> - HELP!HELP!HELP! can only be uttered by RS4 Nav Chics - with Serge
> sawing at the wheel >>> my endeavor to run the autox entirely in 1st
> gear - at the limiter - while did prove to invoke Fastest Time of Day
> did not invoke said Nav Chic oddly enough.  Hmph, I say.
>
> - Mercury Marquiseseses produce fine and not particularly hard to induce
> eu de Burnt Action Figure odiferous odors that permeate heater vents and
> render your sinuses defenseless, also sticking to your clothes, hair,
> skin, etc.
>
> - Chevy Trailblazer SWB's can be surprisingly adept at cone sometimes
> dodging sometimes not, and, in RWD mode brakestandholeshots are yer
> friend.  Especially adept at forging curbs.  Happy to wag the tail under
> throttle provocation.
>
> - AnythinganythingANYthing Quattro scripted is NOT your friend at
> Undisclosed Locations involved in Undisclosed Activities.  Witness
> //Serge //Smellybadclutchbake.
>
> - Lastly, rentalcops in rusty S10s managed to damper the fun the last
> 1.5x - now THAT'S JNR.
>
> You Want the Truth You Can't Handle The Truth.  Avoid "executive lease"
> used car deals I always say.  And tire pressure gauges sold @ midnight @
> Brooklyn corner stores should really read to higher than 55 - and NYC's
> finest don't even raise a brow to two white boys exiting with
> doublefisted Becks Kingers.  Hmmmm.
>
> Mmmm...  Hurtz.  And, there's nothing 10,000,000cp cannot illuminate,
> minds aside.
>
> -JNR hisself