[s-cars] LAF Weakend JNR report - E60 ///M5

Fri Mar 30 11:50:06 EDT 2007

This remind me of the 850i. Plenty of power, and grip and brakes, a very
nice but very muted V12 murmur that force you to add some lead in your right
shoe to hear it, then you realise that what you though was a gentle cruising
speed is indeed a F'g direct-jail-way-over-3-digits speed.

These cars were/are _not_ sport cars. They are fast, powerful, very capable
_luxury_ cars. The idea seems to be to make Berlin-Munich in the same time
the local airline does, while still enjoying your favorite Cohiba, something
you can't do anymore in planes. The M5 has probably be designed with the
same idea in mind, only faster, bigger, JNRer.

Vincent.

2007/3/30, pkrasusky at ups.com <pkrasusky at ups.com>:
>
>
> Morning gents-
>
> First, the obligatory:  MUWHAAHAHAhahahaahahaaa - damn - Just Not Right.
>
> With that out of the way, I finally found my slimyway behind the
> perfectly sized and shaped paddleshifter equipped wheel of der '06 E60
> ///M5 last night - JNR style butofcourse - no tire kicking window
> salivating ohsowishful thinking here, uh uh.
>
> WTF!?!?!??!?  A reoccurring theme...
>
> That car walked on der Alumibitch from a 2nd gear roll.  I pretty much
> expected that, but WTF the argument was over before I even got to 4th
> gear.  I wasn't loosing sight of him but I wasn't keeping pace either.
> The few blowby's I did were dutifully negated with a quick downshift to
> match my speed then he'd start pulling again.  Kinda felt like I was
> running mit ebrake on, needles moving fast but don't feel like going
> anywhere.  Weird.
>
> That car suuuuuure does smell good to be behind WOT yeah - sorta like
> how smelling your clothes dryer venting outside on a winter day makes
> you feel good - but WTF does the thing simply SPATTER the follower with
> f'n GRAVEL.  I'm not talking from launch, either.  Cruising down the
> roadway at speed - ticketyticketytick.  D'oh!  Guess them 285/35/19
> ContiSport rears will do that to ya.
>
> Parked side to side with der //S8 - let's get one thing straight here -
> the E60 is GINORMOUS.  I mean, WTFly enormous, JNRly enormous.  It makes
> the Alumibitch look sleek slender and tidy.  More comedically, it makes
> his UrS6 look like a "B" series commuter car, Aries K style or
> something.  Oh and 20 years dated.  The E60 is very futuristic looking.
> Bangle be *damned* (I vowed not to like this car due to him, but), the
> lines somehow work on this rig and are acceptable, esp. the side flanks
> which are very balls looking.  The silvergrey color is definitely THE
> perfect color for this car, as I say "the color of the road", and nicely
> helps mask them f'n fugly headlights.
>
> Don't believe me on the size issue you say?  Do you like apples???  How
> 'bout DEM apples:
>
> D2 //S8:  Wheelbase 113.5 in Track front 62.5 in rear 62.1 in Length
> 198.2 in Width 74 in Height 55.8 in Length:wheelbase ratio 1.75 Kerb
> weight 3814 lb Fuel capacity 23.8 Gal
>
> E60 ///M5:  Wheelbase 113.7 in Track front 62.2 in rear 61.7 in Length
> 191.5 in Width 61.7 in Height 57.8 in Length:wheelbase ratio 1.68 Kerb
> weight 4012 lb Fuel capacity 18.5 Gal
>
> Now there's WTF for ya.  Dunno how my car is 7" longer as we had them
> side to side and they looked the same length.  My wheelbase looks
> waaaaaay longer, but, low and behold it's shorter???  Odd.  My car is
> notably wider, tho a FOOT?  Dunno about that one.  But, the car TOWERS
> over mine.  Esp. noticeable in the cowl area, roofline, and ohso upright
> sideslabs.  And ground clearance?  Must be alot of offroading
> opportunities in Munich?  Would make most SUVs blush.  The cited //S8
> weight seems optimistic, my manual says 4,065 I believe.  Regardless,
> it's the same weight?  WTF?
>
> But I digress.
>
> Walk up to the car, grab the handle, and it unlocks.  Keyless Go is
> COOL!  Chalk up a technofeature #1 I thought would be gimmicky but I'll
> be damned that's neat.  Open door, something underhood starts squawking
> buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, like a plane preparing for flight.
> WTF is that?  No idea, some sorta electrowizardry motor preparing for
> something, or something and stuff and things.  I think.
>
> Time to strap in (don't confuse with strap ON).  Black active sport
> seats with an extremely fine grade of uberschmelling leather.  So
> supple, so nice.  Adjust seat to "me"?  No problem.  _ARTICULATED
> SEATBACKS_????  WTF!?  Now there's a feature I could live with in every
> car.  Oh nelly can you tailor that seat on like white on rice.  And you
> can snug them active side bolsters into the ribcage something fierce!
> Like being strapped into the electric chair or something, they grip you
> tight and fast, quite the chuckle.  I've driven active seats before in
> the E55 but still having trouble getting accustom to them.  I'm pretty
> sure I dig them and they're helpful, but for the newb they're a bit
> distracting.    But we've not blasted off yet, let me continue.
>
> Push button starter is neat, DSG to N, fire the 5.0L oversquare 12:1
> compression V10 to life and start playing "bounce the tach".  Get a good
> feel of the exhaust sound, very decent, and amaze at the strikingly
> lively throttle response and rev crispness.  You could drop a C hair on
> the go pedal and it would register with the proportionate blip.  Gnarly.
> For the statisticians:  507neigh @ 7,750 / 383poundme @ 6,100 - reddyred
> is 8,250.  Oh my I can't wait to find that.
>
> Heads up display is on.  Chalk #2 for technofeature coolness.  I wanted
> to hate it, I did.  Doesn't heads up just reek of Ponticrap or
> Cadilcrap???  Nope, uh uh, it's f'n balls neat and f'n immensely
> helpful.  Gear selection, speed, tach, and not a distraction.  I kept
> waiting for Princess Leia to appear in the hologram naked, for not.
>
> Parking sensors are talking to me.  Chalk #3 for technofeature coolness.
> iDrive be damned, it's not that bad once you figure it out.  NEVAH
> thought I'd type that sentence.  And I thought parking sensors were for
> Floridian retirees - until I parked the Alumiyacht for the first time.
> NOT an easy endeavor!  Blindspots everywhere, and blindspots with many
> $$$ attached to them - nottagoodcombo!  Audi's system of "beeeeeeep" is
> pathetic.  Maybe it's improved now, don't care.  THIS system is in fact
> the cat's ass.  It shows a diagram of the top of the car with each
> corner featuring a rounded surrounding color.  As you close in on
> something the color molds to the corner and changes color as you get too
> close.  F'n trick!
>
> With that said, it's time to embark.  This is me first whack at SMG,
> heard lots of love it / hate it.  Setting off is a hoot - quite like a
> snowmobile for any you sledheads here - quite an interesting feel.  The
> wheel paddles are terrific, pull left one for down pull right one for
> up.  The shifter itself is slapped BACK to grab upshifts and FORWARD to
> grab downshifts, the way I always thought it should be intuitively in
> cars.  Course mine's opposite so this takes some brains to get
> acclimated to.  I troll around and get a feel for it, awesome steering
> weight and response.  The 14.7" front brakes feel great; surprisingly,
> they're not to "bity", they just feel good and work well in a WTF
> uneventful sorta way.  Why BMW uses floating calipers is beyond me -
> weight maybe?  Could be purtier certainly, but them pie plate rotors
> look mack.
>
> My sphincter is finally prepped and ready for the insanity to ensure, so
> it's time to explore 8,250 upshifts.  You can't screw this up - the car
> just wails on through the tach and SLAMS the next upshift with
> authority.  Hitting the limiter is a non-event, it's a soft limiter, not
> intrusive, and will not upshift for you.  And who doesn't like
> rev-matched downshifts?  Whattasound!  So handy, so trick, so helpful
> they are.  "Wanna pitch it" he says?  MUwhahahaa, sure I do!  DSC
> <<<off>>>.  My big toe didn't even get a pulse of blood through it and
> the rears are ROASTED off.  Slap 2nd and the now sideways drift
> continues forward onward 8,250ward.  SMG is definitely cool, pundits be
> damned.  Yeah there's some clunkiness and some delay, but I feel as with
> anything it is only a matter of becoming attuned to the nuance and
> perfecting your technique.
>
> Through the gears, time to get a move on.  I'm only in 4th... look mom
> 105.  WTF?
>
> WTF?  105?  BMW assuredly calibrates their US speedos in Kilometers.
> Must be.  105?  4th?  Farting along like going to church.  JNR!  Very
> uneventful, almost uninvolving.  Almost.  Grab a coupla more upshifts,
> now we're moving.  Ooops 140.  Feels like maybe 75 now.  JNR!  WTF,
> again?  This is entirely too easy, just about feels like near any John
> Q. Public could do this in this car.  It sorta, sorta does "it" for you.
> Sorta.  WTF?  I play with bogging it in 6th and snicker at the glorious
> V10 induction note tee hee.  He tells me think that's funny try it 7th.
>
> 7th?
>
> WTF????  Yeah I know I know I know, I knew SMG had 7spd.  I've heard
> that, read that, yeah yeah yeah.  Tooling along in 6th it's completely a
> forgotten concept.  7th?  Who the F needs SEVENTH GEAR in this
> car!?!??!?!?  JNR.  I'd cruise around in 4th-5th upshifts downshifts all
> day everyday, and likely ohsolikely go to jail.  Go directly to jail.
> Do Not Pass Go.  Do Not Collect $200 dollars.  Go Directly To Jail.
>
> JNR.
>
> 7th sees onesixfive.  Wow.  I've never been there.  Not even in der GT2.
> Think I saw 162 in that or 159, few times.  But so not the same.  Not
> even remotely.  The GT2 is a visceral assault on all that is good and
> rapes your soul daring you prodding you defying you to push it more,
> more, more.  The front end darts with confident nervousness - if there
> is such thing.  ///M5?  La dee da da da, dum dee dee dee, dum dum, I'm
> going onesixfive.  Whatever.  JNR.  WTF?
>
> Therein lies the WTF.  How do you quantify this "phenomenon" I wonder /
> ask?  No idea.  I was sorta left speechless after, muttering senselessly
> like some schoolboy halfwit baffoon (shoe / fits).  It is a very odd
> concept.  Gigantic uberluxuryubersupercar sledgehammer.  More capable
> than you can pretend, involving and isolated equally and oppositely -
> simultaneously.  WTF?  Weird.
>
> JNR, as usual.  I highly recommend trying this at home kids.
>
> -Paul
>
>
>
> ps.  come fingerbang it my place tomorrow night, "we'll be there"...
>
>
>
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