[V8] Tool story

[D Morralee]

sorry I have to through in this I got yesterday as we are talking about tools Superdave　





DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. 
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. 
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. 
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. 
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. 
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. 
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the things you forgot to disconnect. 
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. 
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. 
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. 
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. 
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. 
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. 
SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. 
Hope you found this informative.
 
> Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2011 23:08:31 -0800
> From: kamerer at gmail.com
> To: toml99 at todomundo.com
> CC: v8 at audifans.com
> Subject: Re: [V8] Tool story
> 
> That's nice, and my story isn't quite as good as Tom's. But mine made me
> happy, too. So I'll tel it.
> 
> I had a 1/2" drive Craftsman socket wrench for about 25 years, a hand-me
> down spare from my Dad's tool box he had used since the mid '60s. Even
> probably wrenched on his killer '68 Chevelle SS396 street drag racer (yeah,
> you should see pics of that car!)
> 
> It's one of the old-type with the directional twist-adjust immediately above
> the drive/ratchet gear, not the newer ones with the thumb lever. I had been
> nursing a cranky ratchet gear for years, but it gave up the ghost last. I
> figured I'd have to go to Sears and trade it in for a newer style, or turn
> it in to a door stop. I looked around the shelves, and of course, no old
> ones like that still made. At the desk I asked, and voila - they rebuilt
> the old style still, and offer them in exchange on warranty. So I got a
> freshly rebuilt one, albeit with a black anodized steel gear set and not the
> brass top like from the '60s. But I got the same old type wrench and was
> quite pleased.
> 
> I admit the thumb-lever ones are easier to use, and I have them, too. But I
> just like that old twist-type gear set and thumb-grooved shaft the new ones
> don't have. Made my day.
> 
> Bryan
> 
> 
> 
> On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 7:48 PM, toml99 at todomundo.com
> <toml99 at todomundo.com>wrote:
> 
> > Recently, found my 12" 3/8' drive Flex head socket wrench had failed
> > (favorite). It was a Stanley, and it's been in the box for at least
> > 15yrs, and I may have bought it at a garage sale for nothing (can't
> > recall). Anyway, I was throwing it in the scrap metal bucket, and
> > thought I'd check w/ Stanley. Warranteed for life. Stanley has
> > since sold their mechanics tool division to Proto. They say, "We'll
> > have to see it". I put it in the mail a month or so ago for about
> > $8, thinking it's worth a try. UPS just delivered a shiny new Proto
> > 12" flex head socket wrench that, while identical in size/
> > build.....is really shiny,nice,and above all brand new. Way nicer
> > than the old Stanley in finish. Never underestimate the power of
> > asking.....Tom
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