[V8] I've turned my cell phone back on: death of a V8

[Roger M. Woodbury]

It takes a lot for me to carry a cell phone around.  I have no need to 
be "in touch" every second of the waking day, but last week I had my 
service turned back on and now I am hauling that worthless piece of 
plastic junk around with me whenever I leave the property.  It's all 
because I've learned that my V8 is in its death throes, that slight 
shudder in first gear on acceleration...even half throttle or 
less...being a death rattle.

Friday I drove to my team training session as usual.  I left the house 
in bright sunshine about ten to four in the afternoon and too the usual 
route which is mostly hilly, two lane country roads with the last twelve 
miles or so, a real, country lane with sharp little hills and quick 
curves.  Over those twelve miles I saw NO other cars, even in the little 
village of Monroe which I pass through about half way.

The V8 was smooth and quiet. I was able to maintain any speed that was 
comfortable....about 55 or 60 except for right in the village.  Perfect! 
It was simply PERFECT.

But when I turned left to go onto Goshen Road, then right a mile later 
to drive up the hill to the gym, I felt that dreaded shudder. Worse, for 
the first time, I felt a tiny shudder in second gear also.  Death rattle.

Well, obviously a transmission overhaul is needed.  It is afterall a ZF 
transmmission, so how hard can that really be?  How expensive?  Here's 
what I know.

First of all the transmission in the Audi V8 Quattro is NOT "rocket 
science" and never really was.  The transmission is the 4HP24A, a 
variation on the 4HP24 transmission that was used by EVERY manufacturer 
or expensive European cars in the late 80's and '90's....Jaguar, BMW 
all, used it.  Bentley too, I think, although I'm not sure.  It was used 
all through the 1990's and eventually became the 5HP24, once five speed 
automatic transmissions became normal.  But only Audi used the "A" 
variant, which is the same transmission everyone used but with the front 
wheel driveshaft for the Quattro system. There in lies the rub.

Right now, as far as I have been able to determine, there are TWO 
transmission reman shops in the country that will rebuilt the 4HP24A 
transmission. One is in Portland Oregon and one is in Los Angeles.  
Price is not bad:  Around three grand including shipping.  That's 
dooable to keep my V8 on the road at least two more years.

But that's not the end of the story.

The V8 also has a transmission cooler and an engine oil cooler up in 
there where the transmission lives I guess.  The oil cooler is probably 
no issue....a couple of hundred bucks at worst.

It is the transmission cooler that is the deal killer:  IF the cooler 
can in fact be found anywhere, it's a couple of hundred bucks also.  The 
real problem is the cooler fluid lines...one runs from low on the 
transmission up and over the top...no longer exist as far as I can find 
out, ANYWHERE. These aren't ZF parts, which might make it all possible.  
They are Audi specific parts and are very, very NLA.  The two coolers 
and the fittings in my car are corroded and near their end:  a 
catastrophic failure in one of them is the end and the car stops right 
there.  That is, unless the chattering clutch pack in first or second 
gear doesn't "grenade" first. Thus my cell phone.

Of course I tried Jasper....perhaps the largest engine and transmission 
overhaul company in the country.  They no longer will work on the 4HP24A 
transmission.

I could probably have the transmission and even engine oil coolers and 
assorted plumbing fabricated. I had to have a large, hydraulic hose for 
the quarry forklift fabricated ten years ago, but that was only a 
modification of an existing hose, not a complete custom hose job. I have 
NO idea what it would take, but I know it can be done theoretically.  Im 
guessing but maybe $4-500 and two to three months?  I dunno.

But now it seems best case the total is running up to five or six grand 
to get the transmssion overhauled in such a way that the car will 
continue to be a dependable driver.

Five or Six Thousand dollars.  And I still have not replaced the front 
and rear brakes which are heavily corroded also...not worn smooth:  just 
corroded.

I have had three V8's over the years.  The first was the "lose your 
license red" car that had a transmission failure because it had been ass 
end towed from a sheetmetal accident before I bought it.  I only put 
about seven or eight thousand miles on the car before that very 
expensive job and it scared me off.  But V8's being what they are, later 
I found a burgundy V8 in Pennsylvania....a one owner car which I bought 
and drove for several years...wonderful car!  It went away to become a 
five speed conversion called "The Gentleman's Express" and where i tis 
now, or what happened to it are unknown parts of Audi V8 folklore.

And this car which is arguably the best one yet. I have put maybe 50 
grand on it since buying it with 65,000 miles from new.  The timing belt 
that I had changed immediately when I bought it was the original belt 
and the car was show-room new beneath.  That was eight years ago.

But now, I guess I'm really done. The car is twenty-seven years old.  
There are a lot of pretty interesting cars that fit our need for 
transportation dependability available for eight to ten grand.  The cars 
are all at least ten years old but that is my style and budget at this 
point, anticipating perhaps as many as twelve thousand miles per year.

So, I guess we'll be moving on to something else and eventually, my V8 
will find a new home, or go to the Audi heaven in southern New 
Hampshire, along with a second set of wheels and six S4 wheels which no 
longer need to take up space in the barn.  I think I also have a 
defroster/heater motor, new in the box somewhere up in the loft that 
I'll lump in with it, and probably my Type 44 manuals.

I have been very sad all week about this, far more so than ever before 
over a mere car.  In the past I always knew exactly what I might want to 
have as a daily driver.  For about twenty five years it's been ALWAYS 
Audi with the Porsche of some sort tucked away for seasonal use.  
Porsche is no longer of interest and now the last of the "good" Audis is 
at the end of it's life, perhaps made so because Audi doesn't support 
anything older than ten years.  I think Audi has become more a marketing 
company than automaker, just like BMW.

Time for me to move along, I guess.

Roger