Don't try these in your Audi:-)

["Sheffield Corey" <SHEF@omdc.gso.uri.edu>]

Hi fellow/fella Audinauts,

	One of the Ocean Engineering grad. students just zapped these to my
machine with the thought that we'd really enjoy them...I did.



THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL STATEMENTS FOUND ON INSURANCE FORMS WHERE CAR
     DRIVERS ATTEMPTED TO SUMMARIZE THE DETAILS OF AN ACCIDENT IN THE FEWEST
     POSSIBLE WORDS.  THE INSTANCES OF FAULTY WRITING SERVE TO CONFIRM
     THAT EVEN INCOMPETENT WRITING CAN BE HIGHLY ENTERTAINING.

     o Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
     don't have.

     o The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
     intention.

     o I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my
     head through it.

     o I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

     o A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

     o The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
     before I hit him.

     o I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
     and headed over the embankment.

     o In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

     o I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
     reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I
     did not see the other car.

     o I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel
     and had an accident.

     o I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
     universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

     o As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place
     where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in
     time to avoid the accident.

     o To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a
     pedestrian.

     o My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

     o An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

     o I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat
     found that I had a fractured skull.

     o I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of
     the road when I struck him.

     o The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so I ran over him.

     o I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the
     roof of my car.

     o The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
     with a big mouth.

     o I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a
     ditch by some stray cows.

     o The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve
     out of the way when I struck the front end.


drive safe

I hope all of you enjoyed this small break in the serious business of owning
Audis:-)

					Happy motoring,

							Shef

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