Seattle driving tips...???

[BJohn77777@aol.com]

Interesting things show up in e-mail...

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In order to effectively drive in Seattle, it is important to understand the
methods of driving already accepted as standard in this area. The following
is a set of standardized behaviors:
   
   1- That thingy on the steering column is not a turn indicator, it is a
 turn "REQUESTER".  Once you have placed your request, remain in your lane
until the car behind you passes.  At that point, begin this process again and
continue until all cars have received your request and passed.  Should you
decide at any time to actually CHANGE lanes, be prepared for a hearty bleat
of the horn from the car behind you... Once all the cars have passed, change
lanes quickly and slow down..
   
   2- That thingy in the middle of your steering wheel is a mistake.. Never,
ever push it, it makes noise and frightens the people around you. The only
time it is acceptable to use that thing is if you have decided that the
person in front of you should not be allowed to change lanes, but has done so
anyway..
   
   3- While waiting at a green light, remember this rule, you must wait  at
least 3 seconds for every car lined up behind you, if you have trouble with
the math, take your time and make sure you get it right..
   
   4- Merging lanes of traffic follow the ancient native rhythms of "you go,
I go, I go, I go, you go, you go, we wait, I go, you honk, I signal, you go",
repeat..
   
   5- When leaving busy traffic to enter a driveway or other private egress,
stop completely before signaling,  signal, then follow the same "Rules of
Waiting" outlined for green lights..
   
   6- If you are driving and another car is within seven feet of you to
either side, subtract 15 mph from your overall speed, preferably without
notice.  If you are on a two-lane bridge or limited road, subtract another 10
mph for safety's sake.  When raining, look over to the side of the road, if
you are traveling faster than pedestrians, slow down..
   
   7- If you see snow, even if you THINK you see snow, pull over and leave
your vehicle immediately.  For rain, see rule 6.. 

 8- Pedestrians have the right of way.  This includes pedestrians that have
not entered the crosswalk,  pedestrians thinking about crossing the street,
and pedestrians that just happen to be nearby.  When in    doubt, apply the
Rules of Waiting whenever a pedestrian is within sight..
   
   9-  If your car is suddenly grabbed from below and forced to move more
quickly, that is gravity and you are on a hill.  Step on the brakes and slow
down..
   
   10- Never, for any reason whatsoever, drive as if you have someplace to
go, it will confuse and frighten those around you who enjoy driving for hours
on end..
   
   11- If you see a giant ball of flame, that is the sun.  It will not hurt
you, but slow down, just to be sure..
   
   A few notes about the Municipal Roadworks in Seattle
   
   1-  If you decide to take a bus, set aside an evening to plan your trip.
You will need: Bus maps, a pad and pencil, a calculator, a compass, a
protractor and a ruler.  Do not wait until your trip to figure it out.  You
will not be allowed to ask people at the bus stop, strangers that talk out
loud are frowned upon and considered worth ignoring completely..
   
   2-  Traffic lights are timed according to the same ancient native rhythms
described above.  Translated, they are: Red, Green, Green, Red, Red, Stop
sign, yellow, Pioneer square, Red.  Never expect to see more than two green
lights in a row, if you do, report it immediately.  More than two green
lights when you are stuck at a red    light do not count..
   
   3-  There are express lanes on I-5 with an exit in Tacoma, one in the U
district and the last one at the Canadian Border.  These lanes are  efficient
for trips to or from Alaska..
   
   4-  Right about now, while you are reading this, 90 is faster than 520,
regardless of your location or direction.
   
   5-  When traveling to or from work across the 520 bridge, take your
family, a pet, a few of your neighbors and the local pizza delivery boy.
 This will ensure that you can use the express lanes.
   
   6-  There are three bridges in, on or under Lake Washington..
   
   7-  If you happen to live in the Seattle Center and want to go downtown,
don't walk the seven blocks, take the monorail, that's what it's there for..
    
        Author:  Paul Quinn at Sierra_Corporate
   
   
        How to Identify the Driver's Home:
        An FYI Guide..
   
   
        One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:  New York
   
        One hand on wheel, one finger out window:  Chicago
   
        One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
accelerator:  Boston
   
        One hand on wheel, one hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on
accelerator: California*
               *with gun in lap: L.A..
   
        One hand on Latte', one finger in nose, one knee on wheel, cradling
cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game:  Seattle

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Bruce Johnson
85 4Ksq
Olympia WA