An Audi Tale

[Michael Callaghan <Michael.Callaghan@digital.com>]

[The story that follows is an adaptation of a story I once heard in Sunday
school. The subject matter has been updated to reflect a more modern theme.
It is a work of fiction, only loosely based on personal experience. Any
resemblance to any real persons or situations is purely intentional.]

-An Audi Tale-
By Mike Callaghan

On an unusually warm day in late December, a young boy, barely old enough to
drive, was driving along a backwoods country road. He was minding his own
business. He had no particular destination in mind. He was doing and
thinking nothing in particular. He was a happy boy. He owned a solid and
reliable automobile. It got good gas mileage. It kept him warm, and always
got him from point A to point B. Sometimes, however, in the back of his mind
there was always a vague feeling of discontent. Was this all there was, he
wondered?

As the boy was wandering, he happened upon a small field that was filled
with German automobiles of all makes, models, and colors. He was immediately
wary. These creatures, while attractive and fun to drive, were notorious for
being expensive to own and operate. But they were beautiful. He recalled
tales from his youth about exotic Porsches from far-away lands. He had
always loved those stories. Perhaps he should take a closer look. No! He
shook his head and drove on. He would have none of it. He was strong.

The boy was almost out of site of this evil field, when a voice called out
him. "Wait! Come back! I need your help! I do not belong here with these
others!" Against his better judgement, the boy could not resist the pull of
the creature addressing him. It was a beautiful Audi 200 Quattro. It was a
brilliant pearl-white color, with gorgeous gray leather interior. 

It told the boy that its prior master had given it up because it had gotten
too old. "Too old?" the boy asked. "Yes, I'm just over 100k," it replied.
"That is pretty old," the boy agreed. "But not for me!" it cried. "I am an
Audi! I'm barely into my prime." 

Still, the boy was not to be swayed so easilly. "I don't know," he said.
"You are a 200. You have a turbo charger." 

The car laughed arrogantly. "That's right. I am a 200. I am turbo charged. I
was the top of the line. But, I'll tell you this, young lad: I was pampered
and babied by my previous owner." 

The car's tone changed to humility. It pleaded with the boy. "I need someone
young, like you; someone who will let me run to my full potential. Would you
do that for me? Please?"

The boy thought for a moment. The car waited, expectantly. Finally, the boy
turned to the car and said, "Look. If you promise not to treat me like your
personal, never-ending money supply, I'll take you home. If you promise me
that you'll function realiably, not drink too much gasoline, and not shower
me with endless electrical problems, I'll adopt you."

The car brightened visibily. "I promise all of those things and more! I
can't wait to show you what I can do for you. You'll be happy with me for
years to come."

So, the boy traded his reliable car for this Audi. He dreamed of the places
the two of them would go together, of the fun that they would have. He was
happier than he had ever been in his life.

Nearing sunset, as he drove the car home, he noticed the temperature
dropping. It would probably be a cold night, so he turned on the rear window
defroster and his seat heater. They didn't seem to work. He turned on the
automatic climate control to warm the interior.

It worked for awhile, but soon the temperature inside was stifling. He
turned the temperature all the way down to its lowest setting, but still hot
air blew from the vents. So he put down his window a little.

It helped, but soon the boy was cold. He pressed the button to raise the
window, and nothing happened. The window was stuck!

The boy began to panic. These were the kinds of electrical problems of which
he had always been warned. He frantically tried other windows in the car.
One rear window didn't work at all, and the other got stuck open. He tried
the power mirrors. Nothing. What had he done?

He finally stopped the car, tears of rage filling his eyes. He felt
betrayed. The car idled roughly and then the engine quit. He had been
fooled. Fooled by a pretty face and beguilling words. 

He sobbed softly for awhile in the cold winter silence. "You promised me,"
he said to the car. "You said that things would be different."

The two of them sat in silence for what seemed an eternity. "My dear boy,"
the car finally replied. "Don't blame me for being what I am. You knew what
I was when you picked me up."