FW:You might be a racer if...

[John Karasaki <johkar@teleport.com>]

This was posted to the porsche race list.  The scary thing is, I don't race
but many of the comments apply!


>X-From_: racing-admin@porschelist.org  Mon Jul 27 11:40:53 1998
>X-Sender: tweedt@ucsd-pps.ucsd.edu
>Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1998 11:38:14 -0700
>To: "Racing" <racing@porschelist.org>
>From: Tom Tweed <tweedt@UCSD.Edu>
>Subject: You might be a racer if...
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>I found this posted on the POC Chat Board on the WWW, and thought it might
>be appreciated here.  Apologies to those who may have already seen it.   I
>hope it brings a chuckle to those who haven't.   
>
>(If you wish to embellish on this list, please remember to trim the
>original from your reply to save bandwidth).
>
>------------ begin included message-----------
>
>"You might be a racer if ..."
>
>- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
>
>- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check
>out cars (seats).
>
>- You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
>
>- You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing
>depth (wear bars showing).
>
>- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just
>saved.
>
>- When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
>
>- You change engine oil every other week.
>
>- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the
>throttle right after turning in.
>
>- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a
>highway off-ramp.
>
>- Your racing budget is one of the big three -- mortgage, car
>payments/maintenance, dating.
>
>-Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you. 
>
>- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
>
>- You've been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at your
>television.
>
>- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
>
>- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
>
>- You bought a race car before buying a house.
>
>- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
>
>- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
>
>- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage
>and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on
the
>street or in the front yard.
>
>- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of
>importance):
>1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
>2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a
>28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
>3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
>4) A grease pit.
>5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
>6) Deaf neighbors.
>7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
>8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property
>somewhere
>-or- hookups for the motorhome.
>
>- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tires
>that could have been purchased.
>
>- You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalant of three sets of
tires
>
>- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift
>and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back
>from the machine shop.
>
>- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
>
>- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting a new mink."
>
>- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
>
>- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
>
>- More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you by
>name when you call.
>
>- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
>
>- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers, start
>your engines!"
>
>- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on
>weekends.
>
>- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.
>
>- Your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG R1ıs and Pauter rods
>(and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
>
>- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is
>always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
>
>- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
>
>- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing
>supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book
>Carroll Smith
>has ever written.... and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
>
>- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
>
>- People know you by your "off"s".
>"Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at ButtonWillow last weekend!"
>
>- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturerıs
name.
>
>- Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
>
>- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair
>skills. Air tools optional.
>
>- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
>
>- Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
>
>- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
>
>- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every
>other week or so.
>
>- You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but
>can't remember your phone number.
>
>- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time
>with you.
>
>- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on
>the line, causing your exit speed to drop. 
>
>- A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or
>organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
>
>- You give out Summit Racing's number when a friend asks for the best
>hardware store.
>
>- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
>
>- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
>
>- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
>
>- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming
out.
>
>- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
>
>- You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your
>passenger gives you a real funny look. 
>
>- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are
>the best.
>
>- You can't stand understeer.
>
>- You always want to change something in your street car to make it handle
>better.
>
>- You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil.
>
>- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 miles to
>the race track.
>
>- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
>
>- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix
>the air filter on her station wagon.
>
>- You save broken car parts as " momentos".
>
>- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you
>apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
>
>- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but
>doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
>
>- The local tire shop wonıt honor the treadlife warranty on any car youıve
>been within 50 yards of...
>
>- The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his
>breath after he sees the size of your exhaust piping.
>
>- The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car
>taped to their dashboard.
>
>- You spend more time polishing your exhaust tip every day than you do
>bathing.
>
>- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have timeslips.
>
>- You would choose a rollbar over air conditioning if it were an option.
>
>- You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency
>brake to kick the back end out.
>
>- White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common sight.
>
>- You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter
>"a fun limiter"
>
>- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
>
>- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and
>the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
>
>- When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "The Auto Math
>Handbook"
>
>- When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber".
>
>- You have racing shops programmed on on your speed dialer.
>
>- You own five cars and only one of them is street legal.
>
>- You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding mower and
>want to improve them.
>
>- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on
>wearing your full face helmet while driving.
>
>- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including
>your alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
>
>- You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
>
>- You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little
>too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.
>
>- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
>
>- You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in
>the rearview afterwards.
>
>- After you tell your wife where youıd like to go on your vacation she
>answers: "Why... is there a race there?"
>
>
>
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