Ward's Article (No Audi Content)

["R. Cummings" <cumm@flash.net>]

The following is a reprint from Ward's Auto World. I thought it was great.

Scuttlebutt

There'll always be an English

WAW recently received this unsolicited fax from an unknown Chrysler Corp,
source. Danke.
Subject: Daimler-Khrysler Anunsment.

Directors at Daimler-Benz and Chrysler have announced an agreement to adopt
English as the preferred language for communications, rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, directors at
Chrysler conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and
has accepted a 5-year phase in plan. In the first year, "s" will be used
instead of the soft "c". Also the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not
only will this klear up konfusion, but komputers kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing kompany enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 persent shorter. In the third year, Daimler-Khrysler
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated shanges are possible. Daimler-Krysler will enkourage the removal
of double letters, which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is
disgrasful, and they would go. By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to
steps sush as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year,
ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou", and similar
schanges vud of kors be aplid to al ozer kombinations of leters. After zis
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and employes vil find it ezi to komunikat viz ech ozer. Ov korse
al supliers vil be expekted to svitsh to zis for al busines kominikation via
Daimler-Khrysler. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.