Audi 4000 follies

[Mike Arman <armanmik@n-jcenter.com>]

Well, it went like this:

First, I want to thank everyone who sent info on checking out a 4000 for
possible purchase. The quality and depth of the information was amazing.

Drove to Orlando in buyer's father's Toyota minivan. It has 142,000 miles
on it and desperately needs front shocks. His mother asked me to drive
since he's only 16 and she's not comfortable with him driving on the
interstate yet. I drove, and chickened out at 55-60 MPH - the steering
wheel isn't connected to anything, it's just a place to rest your hands.
Slow trip to Orlando, but once we started driving arount in city traffic,
the vehicle is really a rather pleasant little grocery getter.

Found the Audi (86, 5 spd, 4 dr, 100K miles, nice) rather easily. Except it
wasn't quite as represented. In fact, it wasn't even close to as
represented, other than being white and being an Audi (just). The 86 turned
into an 83, the 4 doors turned into 2, and the 100K miles turned into
165,000. Car was freshly painted, and buffed with liberal spatters of
buffing compound on w/s and under hood. What wasn't covered with buffing
compound was smeared with armor-all. A very forlorn looking specimen, at best.

"I've got all the books and records that came with the car" was correct -
all was exactly none.

Car started well, engine ran OK but was very loose. A/C not working ("blows
real cold!"), broken door handle, seat wouldn't adjust, front brake rotors
deeply scored, took BOTH feet to depress the clutch pedal, and the two
rubber standoffs for the top of the radiator were broken, but had been very
professionally repaired with a single garbage bag twist-tie! (No, I am NOT
making this up.)

Seller, an "Auto Broker!", marched out of his office wearing a headset and
wireless phone - he's an Important Guy, see, and cannot possibly be out of
contact even for a single moment. I refrained from ordering french fries -
the headset was probably stolen from McDonalds - he just kept it when they
fired him from his burger flipping job there.

He advised us not to worry about the 165,000 miles since cars are like
people - if you exercise every day, you'll stay healthy and live forever -
although his extremely rotund phisique (rotund? how about FAT!) gave the
lie to THAT statement, too. The only part of him that will live forever is
his jaw. He also mentioned that he had just sold a VW with 615,000 miles on
it, got a good price, too. (From whom? Ripley's?)

Oh, yeah. One of the many books and records he didn't happen to have was
the title.

Sayonara, dude.

We'll keep trying.

But the trip wasn't a total loss - I bought a set of David Clark aviation
headphones at Skycraft Surplus for a whopping $17.50.

We'll keep trying, and I intend to use the checklists so kindly supplied by
the list members on the NEXT Audi 4000 we look at. Heck, it HAS to get
better from here!


Best Regards,

Mike Arman