Attack of the Monkey Lads (tm)

[Mike Arman <armanmik@n-jcenter.com>]

Ormond Beach, Florida, 9/27/98

Monkey Lads Thwarted in Vicious Attack on New Audi Owner

Special to the Quattro List

A new Audi owner took his car to Tire Kingdom in Ormond Beach, Florida
today, and was told he needed over $400 worth of unnecessary work. During
the course of purchasing two new tires, the proud owner of the $500 1986
Audi 4000 (you remember him) was told that his front wheels were about to
fall off, and he would certainly be killed.

To confirm this dire diagnosis, the "mechanic" rotated the tire slightly,
and described the clicking noise - which was actually free play in the
differential, and completely normal - as a totally destroyed CV joint and
drive shaft.

"You need to fix this immediately. The wheel will come off the car, and we
are talking in the next twenty feet!" Two other so-called mechanics agreed
with this diagnosis, and did so in their best "We're sorry, but we don't
think your mother is going to make it" tone of voice.

"You need a drive shaft, a strut, a front wheel bearing, and we need to
service the rear wheel bearings as well. If'n you don't do this yew gonna
die, boy! Gonna cost yew four hunnert dollahs."

Understandably upset, the owner carefully and slowly drove the car back to
me, holding his breath the entire way, and related the entire sad story.

Inspection revealed a split CV-joint boot. Period.

The mechanics at Tire Kingdom are a collection of lying sacks of shit. I
wonder how many people have been fraudulently sold hundreds and hundreds of
dollars worth of un-needed and totally bogus repairs. I do know that the
Florida Department of Consumer Affairs gets more complaints about auto
repairs than all other subjects combined.

On Monday morning, I intend to add another one to the list, and I'll also
be writing to Tire Kingdom's head office - they better have asbestos gloves
and a welding helmet on when they get that letter!

Who me, mad - nah, just reloading!

Mike Arman