FW: GM & GATES (humor- No Audi content)

["Clough, Samuel" <SClough@irps.atl.invesco.com>]

> Thought the list could use a little humor.
> 
> At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
> computer industry to the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
> technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
> twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
> 
> In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
> (from
> Mr. Welch himself), stating: If GM had developed technology like
> Microsoft,
> we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
> 1.	Your car would crash twice a day for no reason whatsoever.
> 2.	You would have to buy a new car every time they repainted the lines
> on the road.
> 3.	Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
> you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
> 4.	Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
> your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
> to
> reinstall the engine.
> 5.	Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
> "Car98" or "CarNeT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
> 6.	Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable,
> five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five
> percent of the roads.
> 7.	The oil, water, temperature, and alternator warning lights would be
> replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.
> 8.	New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
> 9.	The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before going off.
> 10.	Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
> and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
> turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
> 11.	GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
> road maps from Rand McNally (now a GM subsidiary), even though they
> neither
> need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
> immediately
> cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
> 
> 	Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice
> Department.
> 12.	Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn
> how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
> the same manner as the old car.
> 13.	You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
> 14.	For technical support dial 1-8no-service to talk to another car.
> 15.	To talk to a person dial 1-999 U-spend at 3.50 per minute.