Boating with an S4

[Don Muirhead <dmr@kwic.com>]

Last night I had to go to meeting in Port Rowan which is on the north shore 
of Lake Erie.  The water level is also the lowest it's been in 75 years.

I turn the bend look down at the little harbor and spot an Audi that looked 
like it was in trouble.  I turn-around and head down the hill to see what's 
up.

A very nice '95 S4 (NY plates) backed down the boat ramp too far and his 
rear wheels went off the end of the 10 ft concrete pad and into the mud. 
 The owner had badly miscued.  The concrete pad is 10" thick so essentially 
he was sitting on his pan.

I got out the car asked if he needed help.  A young kid in his early 20's 
told me he was in a hurry to leave and get back to Buffalo and his wet foot 
slipped off the brake as he was backing-up.  Sure I thought a 10' miscue. 
 He had a small trailer with one of those personal watercraft.  I asked him 
where he got the hitch from and he said he had it custom made.

He told me he called for a tow-truck to winch him out and it should be t  
here shortly.  I told him winching isn't a very good idea since with your 
wheels are in the mud and your pan is sitting on the concrete pad you're 
going to do some major damage to your car.  He thought he'd be ok so I hung 
around with him and a few on-lookers for about 10 minutes.

Freeman's Tire shows up with their big Volvo truck - the kind they use for 
towing tractors and box vans.  Randy their driver walks over to the car, 
takes off his shoes and walks behind the "S" and feels around the tires.

Randy has towed me on occasion and I buy my tires and have my cars aligned 
there so they know something about Audi's and tells the kid no-way will he 
be winched out.  He says he needs a crane to lift the rear-end out and put 
it back on the pad.  The S4 owner nearly died.  Randy helps the kid out and 
makes a couple of calls trying to find a crane.  The closest one available 
was Powell's from Dunnville a good 1 1/2 hrs away and that it will cost him 
about $500.00.

I was now late for my meeting so I had to leave.  At 11:30PM I'm heading 
home, I pass the harbor and spot a small crowd, an OPP cruiser, a couple of 
Freeman's trucks and flatbed so I go down to see what's up.

What happened was he didn't want to pay the bucks for a crane and called 
another towing firm who showed up after Freeman's left.  The operator told 
him he needed a crane but the S4 owner said he would give him a $100 tip if 
he would winch him and his trailer out.  He hooked up his winch and dragged 
the car about a foot when the rear-end let go as did his exhaust and 
trailer hitch. Btw - the front-end didn't look that healthy either.  The 
bottom of the car from rear wheels and back was nicely crimped.  The rear 
wheels were jammed into the back of the wheel wells.

The kid lost it and the marina operator had to call the OPP.  The kid 
admitted he offered to give the towing firm a big tip to winch him out. 
 The marina operator wanted the car out since people had been waiting hours 
to get their boats out.  The OPP called Freeman's who showed up with the 
Volvo, and one of their regular tow-trucks and the flatbed.  They were 
about to haul the car the rest of the way out when Randy spotted something 
and called me over.

The trailer hitch had let go, but when it did it took a piece of the pan 
with it.  The kid had a very small "T" type hitch that was angled up at the 
back to match the horizontal plane of both the trailer and the car.  The 
hitch was bolted to the pan and supported by a plate the same size on the 
inside of his trunk.  The top of the "T" was no more than a foot in length 
and 4" wide.  He had bolts about every 4" along both sides of the "T" so 
essentially it was like a pre-perforated container - pull it hard enough 
and it opens along the dotted line...no other support and a very dumb move.

It was now 12:30AM and I gotta get home.  As I'm driving home I start doing 
the math on the damage and lose count.  This about the 4th or 5th Audi I've 
seen this summer hauling these little trailers and Sea-Doo's and you think 
people would realize if Audi had designed these cars for towing they would 
also be selling Audi-Brand hitches.

Don Muirhead
'99 A4
'96 S6
'86 CGT x 2