[V8] V8 wheels

[Roger M. Woodbury]

Mark:  You are absolutely correct.  We have a new governor in our state, and
for the first time in more than thirty years, the Republican Party controls
both houses of our legislature and the office of governor.  

 

The governor has promised to make Maine a more friendly state for companies
to do business in and his administration will do more to help create
employment here.  Maine has for too long been hostile to business, and most
of the traditional businesses in Maine have been driven out because of the
high cost of employment, high taxes and high utility costs.

 

Pothole export is obviously one of Governor Le Page's new ideas. Exporting
one of our main products:  potholes.  Here in Maine we grow potholes almost
as fast as     fir trees or moose, so it is an obvious win-win proposal for
the governor and for the environmental lobby, since potholes are merely a
byproduct of using our fragile and ancient roadways and by themselves
require no fossil fuel generated electricity to manufacture. 

 

There has been legislation passed at the Federal level recently that has
allowed heavy trucks using the Interstate highway to have gross weights of
100,000 pounds, obviously in an attempt to support our need for a larger
pothole crop.  I have also heard that a group of farmers from the north
central part of Maine (Aroostook County).an area roughly six times that of
Dorset.have just received a subsidy from the Federal government to turn
otherwise productive potato fields into pothole producing roadways.

 

This is no small matter. The pothole industry is in fact in trouble due to
rising costs of certification of export. There may soon come a time when the
"Made in Maine" label will no longer appear on exported potholes.  The US
Department of Defense, and the US Department of Homeland Security have
recently been requiring extensive documentation for all large scale sales of
potholes for export, and there are more and more countries that have been
placed on the embargo list.  Imagine what a terrible thing it would be for
Maine potholes to be shipped to Afghanistan to be used by Al Qaida or the
Taliban!  

 

Also on the embargo list is Iran.  Iran will no longer be able to import
potholes from Maine because it has been discovered that one of their
supposed nuclear "research" facilities was actually a factory that was
experimenting with developing Maine potholes into something called "MRE's".
This was discovered by accident during a routine inspection by the
International Atomic Regulatory Agency when one inspector opened a large
crate of what the Iranians had claimed was the factory's main product  they
called MRE's, or loosely translated, Muslim Rations Exceptionale.  Being
suspicious, the inspector opened one of the packages. He logically expected
it was probably something like a US Army field ration, (called:  Meals Ready
to Eat, or MRE for short). Instead of finding couscous laced with a
smattering of lamb and some flatbread he found a pothole loaded with an
improvised explosive device:  obviously the letters "MRE" meant "Mine:
Ready to Explode" and the made in Maine label was still sticking to the
bottom of the pothole.

 

So we have fixed them!  And no more potholes will be shipped from Maine to
Afghanistan or Iran no matter how much they beg.  

 

But not to worry:  that only means all the more for you folks over there in
"dear old blighty".  

 

Now, in a side note, CNN has reported that Prime Minister David Cameron has
proposed a special tariff on imported potholes.  Furthermore there is a
rumor that a group of merchants have joined with the road workers union to
protest the tariff, and they have developed a special "commando" group. They
are training to wear American Indian costumes from the late 1700 period.
They practice every weekend on boarding ships and throwing the chests
containing potholes into the Thames Estuary.

 

You guys better be careful:  that happened once over here in Boston harbor
and a revolution started.

 

Roger