V8 Problems-Bitter(no German pun intended)

[Lawrence C Katzenstein <Lawrence.C.Katzenstein-1@tc.umn.edu>]

  I advised the guy from Fishkill to make use of his proximity to the
Hudson River and the Bronx. I told him to fix the car, put on a life
preserver, and make a sharp right turn in the middle of the Tappan Zee
Bridge.  Alternatively, I suggested that he park the car on Southern Blvd
in proximity to major interstate highways sometime in the evening.
  Now mind you, I am not really advocating insurance fraud, but owning the
same car has at least led me to some significant fantasies for getting
rid of it. I wonder if anyone has ever published a book "101 Uses For a
Dead Audi V8"? See, it's not even as useful as a dead cat.  
  I'm currently finalizing my plans for fixing it. One terrific lister
gave me the name of a shop in suburban St. Paul that claims to be able to
do the work for $1500 less than the dealer. However, since they only offer
a 90 day warranty while the dealer gives a year and unlimited miles at all
Audi dealers its an iffy proposition. Even the dealer says it will take
them 2 weeks to gather all the parts needed.  Sarge has given me the name
of someone who can do a 5 spd conversion, but I haven't been able to reach
him yet. I figure that if I have to keep the car someone ought to be able
to find a way to set it up so that it's more fun to drive. Too bad
the 4.2 won't fit in the engine bay or I would do that. A 4.2 chipped like
the 4.2 A8 ought to be a lot more spirited. Another lister suggested that
I do a Chevy small block 350 conversion. This has lots of appeal, kind of
a ImpAudi SS, with a timing CHAIN, but I don't know who could hook it up
to the trans. 
  I've never paid so much time and money on something I really don't like
that much except for the appearance and the quattro. In its past life this
car was probably some neurotic blonde named Helga who returned as a car
for costing some guy lots of time and money based on appearance.
  At least when  I suffered this much with my Healy 3000 and my Fiat
Spider there was the camarderie that other posts have spoken of--lights
flashing, waves etc. The only other people I see driving these are bulky
Midwestern Northern Europa grandmothers with stern expressions and blue
rinsed hair. I doubt they'd wave back or flash their lights. 
  Come to think of it, I'll name this thing Laguardia! When I make a
mistake, it's a beaut!
Best,
Larry