Military Humor- No "Q" content

[William Elliott <CN=William.Elliott/OU=Corporate/O=MEI#064#MMS%lngw@wtgw.corp.mei.com>]

...but actually does remind me of answers I've received from service managers 
at dealerships....

>From one of my military periodicals, here are some actual maintenance 
complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the 
maintenance crews:

Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement"
Solution:  "Almost replaced left inside main tire"

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough"
Solution:  "Autoland not installed on this aircraft"

Problem:  "The autopilot doesn't"
Solution:  "IT DOES NOW"

Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit"
Solution:  "Something tightened in cockpit"

Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear"
Solution:  "Evidence removed"

Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud"
Solution:  "Volume set to more believable level"

Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield"
Solution:  "Live bugs on order"

Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold produces a 200 fpm descent"
Solution:  "Cannot reproduce problem on ground"

Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick"
Solution:  "That's what they're there for"

Problem:  "Number three engine missing"
Solution:  "Engine found on right wing after brief search"

Actually, the only problem/solution I've seen personally:
A fighter pilot complained the catheter supplied was too short and perhaps 
didn't meet regulation length. The supply tech's written response: "Catheter 
meets regulation length... perhaps problem is with pilot." Supply got no 
further complaints.

Bill Elliott
Lake Mills, WI