Don't get mad, get even.

[Mike Arman <armanmik@n-jcenter.com>]

Since I don't (and won't) carry a gun while driving, I need to develop
different methods of dealing with moron drivers "out there".

I liked Igor K's cell phone solution, but I don't carry one of those, either.

99.99% of the time, I just ignore automotive stupidity - if I responded to
EVERY instance, I'd be upset all the time - and life is too short for that.

But there *are* times that revenge can be sweet indeed. Here's three
examples over a period of five years.

Idiot #1 in a Blazer decided he was NOT going to let me into the right lane
- I slowed down, he slowed down, I speeded up, he speeded up. Finally, I
got behind him - and he's got a vanity plate with his name on it! What a
moron!

I simply looked him up in the local phone book, and son-of-a-gun, there he
is, "Joe and Anne Moron", complete with their address. No, I didn't go
visit him. But about a week later I did send him a nice X-rated postcard
along the lines of "Hey tiger, I really enjoyed the other night with you
and your Blazer; we should do that again sometime soon", and signed it "Hot
Lips Helen". I presume he had some long and difficult explaining to do to
Anne . . . Postcard cost me 20 cents to mail.

Idiot #2 I got mad at. He backed into my parked car (luckily not the Audi),
and drives off giving me the finger. Don't these fools realize there's a
license plate on their cars? I then ran his tag number through an on-line
database I have access to - and it told me EVERYTHING - name, address, auto
insurance company, real estate owned, mortgage companies, professional
licenses, vehicles owned . . . and social security number.

Damn.

Knowledge is power.

"Dear (insurance company), please cancel policy number xxxxx on my 1996
Wartwagon. Thank you, A. Schmuck, social security number etc." This cost me
a whole 30 cents to mail.

Well, the state of Florida takes a dim view of driving around without
insurance, and they ALWAYS send a very nasty letter demanding your license
plates RIGHT NOW if you don't have insurance. They'll come get you, too.

After getting over the shock of getting this letter, he probably had a
stroke when the insurance company said "Well sir, we have your letter right
here canceling your insurance . . . "

I'm sure he's still trying to straighten out the paperwork, buy new
insurance, placate the MVB - and in a few months, I just might send the
same letter to his homeowner's insurance company, and see how his mortgage
company likes it.



Idiot #3, driving an S-10 pickup truck, decided HE was going first, and of
course slowed down when the road narrowed. Then he threw a beer can out the
window (he missed). I got his license plate, backed off, and phoned a
friend of mine in the local Sheriff's department. Seems that "Throwing an
object or missile from a moving vehicle" is a FELONY - a few signatures and
statements later, and I *know* that idiot is walking, and will be for a
while. Any idea of the legal costs involved in defending a felony?


Another lister cautioned against taking these clowns on head first - he
said that you cannot know the enemy's resources and intentions. I agree
1,000 percent with that. What these nincompoops don't realize is that their
license plate tells who they are! Once you know who they are, and after
making sure that they never find out who you are, the enemy can't know YOUR
intentions or resources - and you can make their miserable little lives a
little more so.

Best Regards,

Mike (don't tread on me) Arman ;-)