RE: copyright, that mythical concept

[Brett Dikeman <brett@pdikeman.ne.mediaone.net>]

Dave & Co, much as I respect your opinions and value you as members 
of the list, I'm getting really tired of reading message after 
message between a VERY small group of you complaining at and 
insulting each other, spouting on and on in the most incredibly 
nasty, sarcastically, irritable way about something no one gives a 
flying bottle of pentosin(sorry, first thing that came to mind, given 
that my car is spouting it at the wonderful rate of $10/day, much to 
the joy of the local dealer.)

Just to show there are no hard feelings(and egged on by the comments 
from a lister who insisted that he experienced the "spider bite" from 
a torsen unit his 5kCST doesn't have, which was absolutely 
hilarious), I've included a post a long, long time ago(ok, last year) 
that was basically part of a couple 200q20v listers poking(more like 
shoving) some serious fun at the people on the motherlist who just 
wouldn't give the torsen thread a rest; we were all terribly 
bored(our cars consequently have taken care of that problem, along 
with an explosion of newborns on the 200q20v list, thank god none of 
them contributed to the number of people on the 200q20v list with 
children named "Brett") and amused ourselves in the greatest way.  If 
you're totally confused because I overuse parentheses(sorry), well, 
join the club.

So many enjoyed, treasured and remembered my post(several people who 
met me in person for the first time remembered it and reminded me) 
I'm thinking a repeat performance(including Chris, Ed, and Sarge's 
comments, of course, which were half or more of the fun) is in order. 
The lines with no ">"s are my own; Sarge has one ">", Chris has two, 
and Ed got the grand prize of three ">"s.

Ooop, just to make sure you fellas don't forget the original intent 
of this message, please take the torsen thread off list and "tawk 
amoungst yheselves" as we say in Bawstin.  Or, give yourselves a 
little less to worry about and step away from the computer, spend 
time with the family, drive the car, fix the car, etc. etc and enjoy 
life(instead of insulting each other.)

Cheers,
Brett
(signature omitted because I still find the one in the original post 
funny as hell and I haven't figured out any latin to use)


Without further ado:


>C1J1Miller@aol.com wrote:
>>
>> In a message dated 98-08-07 10:14:08 EDT, EKELLOCK@ecs-inc.com writes:
>> > It has been overheard in the halls at AoA that there are a few stealth
>>coin
>> >  holders running around out there in which each coin "column" is a small
>> >  atomic/ceramic turbine which bumps boost throught the ECU vacuum hose.

Yes, and the ECU hence must monitor the number of coins kept in said
holders.  However, under certain conditions where inappropriate forms of
currency(such as the Susan B. Anthony coin) are kept in the holder, the
amount of currency exceeds the limit expected by the Bosch programmers.
The value overflows from its storage space, causing the ECU to open the
throttle and the car accelerates suddenly.  Contrary to public opinion,
this behavior is not caused by "stupid drivers who couldn't tell a gas
pedal from a brake pedal if their lives depended upon it."  In other news,
a special prosecutor elected by AoA's board has subpeonaed(great.  There's
most of the country's problem, none of us can spell the word) the president
of AoA's change holder after reports of certain bodily fluids being inside
said change holder.


Bosch/Audi part # 321-516-666 fixes this problem with overflowing change
values by installing a harness between the ECU and the change holder
currency-value sensor that compensates for all forms of currency.  Also,
after 60k miles, the currency value sensor(CVS) can suffer intermittent
failure.  The component represents the latest in Audi technology, Quantum
Theory Sensor System(QTSS.)  Hence, checking the sensor is impossible
because monitoring the device causes the failure to dissapear.  Audi tool
GAG-5115(retail cost:$150,000) is able to test the sensor properly. Note:
removal of sun visor necessary before testing procedure may begin.)

If trying to obtain the replacement part, make sure you mention when
ordering that "it's the one with the J at the end, not the K"  The K model
is for the 10v motor.  J is the correct part for 20v motors.  This
information is not in any parts breakdown or in the Bently.  If your parts
supplier acts confused and/or cannot find the part, it might be in the
records as a "monetary exchange object deduction valve" under a completely
different part number.  The above does not apply for cars produced after
2pm, on Sunday the 11th of August, 1990 except for a car produced around
4pm that evening because Hans "Boom-Boom" Strukl messed up and grabbed the
wrong part.

Part # 321-516-667 is the European equivalent, which suffers none of the
afforementioned problems but could not be installed in cars shipped to the
United States due to U.S. Treasury regulations established in 1950 in
response to pressure from the HUAC(House committee on Un-American Change.)


>> Actually, it's through a separate line running to the bottom of the WGFV,
>> holding it shut longer, with a "T" into the exhaust path, which spins up the
>> turbo without lag.  Even without the engine running.
I've heard that on the '91 100, this device causes the engine to develop an
extra 110hp.  Apparently, the total value of currency in the holder is
directly proportional to the amount of extra horsepower.

You forgot that the line also dramatically increases the light output of
the stock headlights(by about 500% on US spec lights, 150% on Euros.)

Extra(normally wasted!) pressure from the "T" is diverted into the UFO
brakes, which causes warping.


>> -----------------------
>> > Another coin holder variation is one which does double duty as a
>>device for
>> >  adjusting the locking characteristics of the Torsen center diff.  A
>>few too
>> >  many quarters and WATCH OUT!  Rumor has it that it is best to keep the
>> >  change evenly proportioned in the change holder.  Ever heard the term
>>"turn
>> >  on a dime"??
>> >
>> >  Ayed
>>
>> The adjustment of the torsen through the change holder is an urban myth,
>>much
>> like the JATO car...
>> Actually, if you note the location of the change holder, Audi engineers
>> carefully designed it to be above the center of balance for the car.  The
>> spring loaded arrangement keeps the appropriate number of coins forward and
>> behind the center of the car's mass.  This may explain how some car's torsen
>> diff misbehaves; they obviously don't have the coin holder and have too much
>> loose change bouncing around the center storage compartment under the
>>armrest
>> (or for a lesser effect, the ashtray or glove box).  The back and forth
>> oscilation of uncontrolled change's massive shifts in the car's weight
>>balance
>> is then interpreted by the torsen as a shift in torque, causing the "spider
>> bite".
>
>Ohhh, see now, that might just be my problem! The torsen is actually confused
>by Cshift - change shift. Man, I'm glad we finally figured this out! You see,
>I keep my change in the ashtray, where it has apparently been sloshing around,
>and subsequently, at Cshift max, the torsen gets confused. Dumb change jamming
>device! Darn quarters!

This doesn't explain why those Audi race drivers experience this
phenomenon.  I noticed Frank Sprongl's S2 didn't have a holder; I guess
they fixed the torsen bite on his car!


>Mine locks under max G's to the right, just as I approach Cshift max, at which
>point I get massive U/O/U. Man, I'm so glad we figured this out finally!

I get I/O/U when I try the exact same thing so you must be an idiot and not
know how to drive your car.  I shall now proceed to personally degrade you
and spout over some hopelessly complex topic with a level of technical
depth that is akin to describing the creation of the universe like: "it go
boom really loud and really brighty-lighty"

(in case no one figured it out, we're making fun of the torsen thread, the
"250hp a6", the whole lighting problem, and other rediculous things.  The
above should be construed as a completely nonsensical mix of ramblings
created by several 200q20v owners suffering from Friday-osis, coupled with
weekend-near-is.)


Brett

------
Brett Dikeman
brett@arthur.malebolge.com
~~)-|
Java, n.
         The Philosopher's Stone of the alchemists, the Second Coming of
Christ, the Maltese Falcon, and the fourth Star Wars movie, all rolled into
one. A technology for developing programs that will run on any platform,
and crash in a different way on all of them. A mighty acorn that grew from
a tiny Oak. An idea whose time has come, leaving General Magic to sleep on
the wet spot.
	-Godling's Glossary