Unka Bart for Dave Head, oh, whoops David Head ;-)

[MHLIGGINS@aol.com]

<<David Head <dave.head@worldnet.att.net>
Subject: Re: Is'nt this an Audi list, not a bitch list..

Sure could use Unka Bart about now...>>


	OK. Classic Unka Bart from my collection....


<<Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 08:47:11 -0500
From: Unka Bart <mendicant@buddhist.com>
Subject: Requiem and condolences

Hi Phil, others,

Condolences, Brother Phil, from one who is still awaiting the check for his
totaled V8Q!  But, heresy though this may be, cars, all of 'em, are merely
metal, the happy thought is that you came through unscathed!  View this as
an opportunity to experience another Quattro of some variety, even another
'91 200QW!

Also, view this as mother nature's way of gently telling us all that
attending a good driver's ed course is slightly more than just another good
idea.  While I'm truly sorry that you are the guy paying the current bill
for this timly lesson, all Quattro drivers who haven't heeded the call yet,
can benefit, and should say a small prayer of thanks that it wasn't their
turn to pay (*this* time...).

None of this following gratuitous advice is in any sense a criticism of
you, Phil.  You were following rule number one, "Be alert and aware of road
conditions at all times."  Alas, you were unaware of some of the other bits
of the secret handshake that are taught at Driver's ed courses...

And as the sometimes driver of a vehicle *notorious* for its tendency to
engage in "Lift-throttle oversteer", allow me to share a useful mantra all
drivers of such machinery should constantly repeat while engaging in
spirited cornering:  "Do NOT lift!  Do NOT lift! Do NOT lift..."  Maintain
throttle, adjusting *gently* up or down as necessary to maintain your line,
but *DO NOT LIFT!* (abruptly that is, and as you apparently did.)  While I
enjoy the occassional *intentional* experience of steering with the
throttle, the cost of rear tires limits my use of it.  I *never* engage in
*LIFT THROTTLE* oversteer.

Sheet metal being so much *more* expen$ive, donchaknow...

The mantra alone will provide a fair measure of help, but its real benefit
comes  only when you've had a chance to *practice* it under the experienced
eye of a knowledgable instructor on a closed race course.  The Porsche Club
of America regularly runs "Driver's Ed" sessions and they are usually open
to owners of other marques, you might check with the local Pguys and sign
up for one if there isn't a similar Quattro clinic of some sort available.

By the way, another handy Mantra for some to learn and recite, is that
"Quattro doesn't help me *BRAKE* faster!"

An alternative mantra to that, for some who don't believe me, is one that
will come naturally to them when the question is put to test under
emergency conditions...

"OH SHIT!  OH SHIT! OH SHIT!...<crash>         >>